


A Tapestry of Stars

by Zandra_Court



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:40:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23322586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zandra_Court/pseuds/Zandra_Court
Summary: Striving to put right what once went very, very wrong, Captain Steve Rogers stepped into the Quantum Realm accelerator and vanished.A fic that follows Steve returning the stones to their places in time and then stopping at Peggy's door in 1948.Rating is for the fic overall, but not every chapter.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter & Edwin Jarvis, Peggy Carter & Howard Stark, Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	1. Atlas- The Second Star of the Pleiades, means “he who dares and suffers”

Steve’s first stop was on Morag. And his longest. Once 2011-Peter Quill had left with the orb containing the Power Stone, Steve used the desolate planet as a sanctuary for his rage. Rage over the loss of Natasha. Rage over the chasm that time had failed to fully heal between him and Tony and now never would. Rage over the years lost to Hydra and the Ice. Rage that he had never before let himself fully feel out of fear of what he could do. Would do.

He beat his hands broken and bloody against the black stones of the temple. He found a perverse pleasure in letting himself go hungry for days, though the serum meant he didn't have many adverse effects. It was a different feeling from when he was hungry as a kid; an odd dance of self-flagellation, grief, and revenge. Fuck the universe. Fuck Thanos. Fuck the stones and this mission and all the utter waste of the past eight years. Fuck Captain America. Fuck the SSR and Project Rebirth. Fuck the Accords and Ross. Fuck everything.

After several days though, the pity party disgusted himself and he continued on to Asgard, and then New York. There had been several conversations with Bruce that made his head hurt about needing to return the Tesseract to New York and not New Jersey, because Camp Lehigh was a past that belonged to him and Tony only. He didn’t argue about it too hard though; he really didn’t want to see Lehigh again. Three times was enough. And he couldn’t be that close to both Peggy and Tony. Not now.

Vormir he had saved for last. Clint had told them how he'd gotten the Soul stone, but none of them knew how to return the gem to its former place in time. “Wing it” wasn’t much of a plan, but what else was there? The only thing Clint could tell him for sure was that Red Skull wasn’t exactly corporeal, and therefore, didn’t seem to be much of a threat. Not that Steve was taking anything for granted. He held Mjölnir loosely as he approached the archway that Clint had told him about.

“I had not expected to see you, Captain.” Steve turned quickly to face the voice that had spoken behind him. Red Skull floated above the ground, tatters of black cloth where his legs should be.

“Who were you expecting?” He asked as he circled around the ghostly figure, keeping his shield between himself and it.

“Those who sought the Soul Stone last did not seek for it to remain with its sisters. The stone speaks to those who can hear. But I presumed the dark one called Ronin would return with the stone to bargain for the soul of the one whom he loves.”

“I've come to bargain for her.”

Red Skull hovered closer, eyes boring into Steve’s. “Despite the theological tenants of humanity, souls seldom have only one mate. Hers was no different. You’d trade your soul for hers?”

Steve dropped the hammer which rang with vibration as it landed. “Without question.” And he held the stone in his outstretched hand.

“In that, you are fully predictable.” Steve’s hand went cold as Red Skull’s arm passed over his and the stone disappeared.

“Alas, the stone does not return that which it takes.” Red Skull laughed and Steve’s shoulders slumped. It had been a foolish hope he’d carried. Clint had told them all there was no way to get her back, but he didn’t want to believe him.

“But seeing you suffer Captain, has been a moment of exquisite joy.” The shield flew through the spectral form and clanged loudly against the rocks. Red Skull’s laughter somehow grew louder as his form floated away. Steve picked up the hammer, pried his shield from the stone, and triggered the quantum accelerator.

************

The night before he’d left on this mission, he and Bucky has stayed up all night talking about what he wanted to do because he couldn’t go without Buck’s blessing. So much existed between them, so many changes to them as people, that their relationship had the strength of vibranium, along with the tension of what hadn’t been able to be realized. Steve had lost Bucky twice, grieved him more than any human ever should, and loved him more deeply than even he could believe. As for Bucky, he carried so much burden over his lifetime as the Winter Soldier. For both of them, they simply could not undo the trauma enough to make a normal life together, no matter how much they wanted to. Steve felt Bucky’s best future was to make his life with the Avengers. However, Bucky’s time in Wakanda had connected him to T’Challa and now, Sam.

“He takes no shit and is funny as hell. I don’t know what it is, but I just love hanging out with the guy.” Bucky had told him during their pre-mission confab.

“You'll never go wrong with Sam by your side. His moral compass is even more focused than mine. He'll be a strong ally.”

“So where do you want to go? Or I when, I s’pose.” Bucky leaned forward and a lock of his hair fell down along the right side of his face.

Steve sighed. He knew, but he didn’t know how Buck would feel and it made him nervous. When they were in Germany, Bucky was jealous of Peggy, in more ways than one. “Way back, when Wanda was...less friendly, she messed with my head a little.” Steve paused and took a swig of his beer, swallowing slowly.

“Messed how?” Bucky leaned just a bit closer, so there was barely a few inches between them. Steve pulled his lips in, and Bucky read the tell Steve always gave when he was holding himself back. “Steve...”

“She let me have the dance, Buck. It was all in my head but it felt so...so real. The rough wool of my uniform, the smell of oil and diesel, right down to the type on the tickets and crinkle of streamers...I was back in Germany at a USO dance hall, empty except for Peggy.”

Bucky smiled and placed his right hand on Steve’s forearm. “And you want to try for real.”

Steve clasped his hand over Bucky’s. “I do. It’s something I need...”

Buck squeezed his hand gently. “Your heart has always been big enough to love more than one person, Steve. Me, Tony, Tasha, Sam... Of course you want to go to Peggy. She’s the one person in your life that isn’t part of all of this...who are we shitting, this fucking nightmare! There’s a purity there with Peg that you'll never find here.”

A tear fell down Steve’s cheek, “It feels like such a betrayal of you and everything we’ve been through to want it. It was our life, desperate and hard though it was, it was our life.”

“Our lives have seen not much more than war, Steve. And now you have a chance to go back to the World. It’s what every soldier dreams of the whole time they’re fighting. You’re going home. You deserve to go home.”

“But what about you?”

“I’ve still got missions left. And I’m ready. In fact, I need them. Shuri used to come to my place in Wakanda and talk. She said it was part of my “fixing”. That girl is strong, raw, and pulls no punches. She spoke of unwinding what has been wound. I need to keep unwinding my past, working through it. Sam’s ready and willing to be a part of that. Even if you were going to come right back, I wouldn’t be here.”

Steve nodded and breathed in deep, letting is chest expand in a way that felt so good. He smiled and kept his hand on Bucky’s.

“But...” Bucky said, as he squeezes Steve’s hand and then pulls away, looking Steve in the eye. “The world still needs Captain America. So no matter where you land or how long you stay, you gotta come back here to this time.”

“I don’t want the shield anymore Buck. Honestly, when I laid it at Tony’s feet, I never wanted to pick it up again. I only did because Thanos was so strong...and now with Tony...part of my leaving is because I can’t be Cap anymore. “

“I know. But Cap is more than you, y’know. The shield is an icon of what it means to stand for freedom to a lot of people.”

“Then you should be Captain.”

“No fucking way. For half the planet, my face blew up the United Nations. I got way too much baggage. But Sam...”

“Sam. Yes. Of course. I’ll bring it back for Sam.”

*************

He had gone with his gut and hadn’t gone back to his own timeline. Instead, he’d found himself in front of a pretty bungalow in southern California. It was June 8, 1948 according to the paper in the box out front. Not a time he knew any more than 2010 had been but it had felt right to stop, so he did. A feeling that vanished the moment the door opened and a young, dark-haired man stood, leaning on a crutch, with a cup of coffee in his free hand.

The two men stared at one another for more seconds than were polite when Steve stuttered. “I’m sorry. I have the wrong place.” Steve turned to go back down the steps of the covered porch.

“No, you don’t. And don’t go. She’d kill me if I let you leave.” Daniel Sousa turned, leaving the door open behind him as he walked, crutch supporting his bad leg. “Pegs! Peggy! You need to get down here.”

Steve couldn’t bring himself to cross another man’s threshold, not this one. Not when…

“Daniel, what are you shouting about?” Peggy was finishing the buttons on her blouse as she came down the stairs and halted, seeing Steve at last. Then she raced to him. He let his duffel slide to the ground as she grabbed his arms and shoulders, then let her hands come to rest on his face. He stayed silent, fear gripping his heart. She broke it. The silence. She broke the silence. Right?

“How?” Her voice cracked.

“Long story.” He managed, his voice chocking as much as hers. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. He could tell she was crying by the feeling of dampness in his shirt, though she made no noise. His arms wrapped around her back and while he didn’t want to, he glanced at the man who had met him at the door, the one she’d called Daniel. Daniel turned and went into the kitchen, leaving them to their reunion.

Peggy stepped back enough to look at him, leaving her hands on his waist. “I don’t care how long the story is, you’re going to tell it.”

“I’m pretty good with omelets. How about I make you two breakfast?” Steve offered, smiling at her. She laughed.

“We don’t generally do breakfast, but yes, that sounds lovely.”

Peggy led them to the kitchen where Daniel was placing two other cups of coffee on the table. One already had cream in it. “You take anything?” Daniel asked as he motioned for them to sit.

“Yeah. Cream and two sugars.” Steve watched as Daniel picked up the cup and returned to the fridge. He felt like he should help the man, but he’d known enough soldiers who’d been injured to understand that helping could be as offensive as not, so he waited, but didn’t sit down.

“I’m Steve. I knew Peggy when…”

“Captain Steve Rogers, Project Rebirth. Went in the ice three years ago.” Daniel gave him a light smile as he handed him the cup. “Believe me, I’ve read the file. Please, sit.”

Steve sat between them, Peggy having already sat at one end of the table. Steve could envision the two of them, having dinner in their usual places, and his stomach clenched harder.

“This is Daniel Sousa. He’s my fiancé. We both work for the SSR.”

“Well, I work for the SSR. Peggy’s sorta freelancing.” She rolled her eyes and turned towards Steve.

“We can have another row about Howard Stark later. Steve, what happened.”

This has not gone as he thought. Where does he begin?

> _“It’s alright. Just make something up.”_
> 
> _“What, like you?”_
> 
> _“I don’t know. Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time.”_

Steve took a sip of coffee and bit back a grimace. He missed Tony’s french press.

“Plane went down in the Arctic. The ice slowed my vitals, I guess, but the serum kept me from ever fully freezing, so I went into a kind of coma. My plane was found and I was brought back.”

“By whom?” Peggy was looking at him, her face betraying some fear.

“S.H.I.E.L.D.” He answered.

She tilted her head. “S.H.I.E.L.D. is still in development. Secret development between Col. Phillips, Howard, and I. There’s no way they could have kept that secret from me.”

“They didn’t. I was found in the ice in 2010. Please don’t ask me about anything else. I just wanted…I came back because…” Steve glanced at Daniel and then back to Peggy. “I just wanted to know you were OK. That you were happy. And you are. But I should go and let you both get to work or, or, whatever you, y’know…do.”

“Steve, don’t. Please.” Peggy laid her hand on his. “Stay. I need…I have to hear more. This can’t be all.”

Daniel coughed a little. “Hey, I’m gonna head in to the office. Steve, please stay. Have dinner with us.” Daniel stood and gave Peggy a squeeze on the shoulder. “I’ll stop at Billy’s and get some steaks on the way home.” She nodded and put her hand over his, looking up. He leaned as though he was going to kiss her, but then pulled back. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thank-you Daniel.” She squeezed his hand again and watched him leave the kitchen.

“Peggy, I didn’t realize. I wouldn’t have intruded.”

She wheeled on him, pointing a finger. “Don’t you dare Steve Rogers. Don’t you bloody _dare_.” Her eyes welled up again. “I’ve missed you so much.” Steve closed his eyes at hearing those words again from a much younger Peggy.

“I knew you’d gotten married. I just didn’t remember when. I don’t even know how I came to this point in time, I just, I felt like this was…”

“The right time.” She finished. He looked at her. “Steve, Daniel only asked me to marry him last night. I said yes, but then... I laid in bed and thought about you. I dared the universe to give you back. That it was now or never. And here you are.”

Steve took her hand. “Peggy, he seems like a decent fella. And I…I’m more damaged than you know. I can’t ask you to give up the life you’ve built. It wouldn’t be fair. Not just to you but Daniel as well.”

Peggy dropped her hand and stood up from the table. “Captain, you still don’t know a bloody thing about women!” Then she turned, her spitfire anger suddenly seeping away and she crossed her arms. “Or maybe you do, I guess. I don’t know.” Then her independent streak started to rise again. “But you don’t know about me. Or what I’ve been through. Did you think I would just sit here, pining away for my one true love? You don’t have a God-damn clue what my life has been like these past three years.”

Steve stood, but leaned against the counter across from her, smiling despite himself. “You haven’t shot at me, so I think we’re making progress.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him, but her eyes twinkled a little as she remembered too.

“Peggy, I have never doubted your strength and tenacity. And I want to hear about every last thing you’ve done for the past three years. I really do. But I wasn’t raised to come between any two people in love, no matter who they are. I don’t want to intrude on your life.”

“Then be a part of it. Please.” She felt such a desperation for him to stay it tingled at the shame-center of her brain a little. Peggy Carter was not one to beg. “Come for a walk with me?” She turned without waiting for an answer and walked down the hall to where the mirrored coat rack sat beside the door. “We both have restless energy. It will do us good.” She put on a wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses. He pulled his plain blue baseball cap out of the side pocket of his duffel, along with his aviators, as he opened the front door.

“After you.”

“What really happened to you Steve?” Peggy asked after they’d closed the gate.

“I really went into the ice and woke up in 2010.”

“And S.H.I.E.L.D found you?”

“Yes. Director Fury, he ran S.H.I.E.L.D at the time, was who was responsible for getting me back into the world. Along with some others. I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. for a while, but following orders I don’t agree with has never been my strong suit.”

“I know I’m probably not supposed to ask, but was I, am I, still around?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to talk too much about it. Bruce says I can’t change the past because all of this is my future, but I still am not sure about it. Not like time travel is a thing we have extensive research about. Why don’t we talk about you? That feels safer.” He wasn’t sure he was going to stay and the less she knows of the future the better in his mind, no matter what Bruce says.

“OK. Well, after your plane went down, I continued running missions with the Commandos until the war was over. I took an assignment with the SSR in New York and did some missions for Howard for a few years. That’s how I met Daniel. Howard continued his research and…” She paused. She wasn’t sure how much of this story she should share. For both her and Howard, Steve had carried on a larger-than-life echo. Howard’s feelings bled through in unguarded moments, but she didn’t feel that was her story to tell.

“And?” Steve prompted.

“And some of his research created complications for the SSR,” she covered. “Being his friend is rather difficult at times. I believe his heart is in the right place, even if his actions are not.”

 _Like father, like son,_ thought Steve.

"So Daniel works for the SSR, but you’re ‘freelancing’?”

She gave him an exasperated look. “That’s his way of referring to the work I’m doing with Howard. Daniel is a solid agent. He’s a tenacious investigator, brilliant. But not much of a visionary. He believes what Erksine did with you, all of Project Rebirth really, was reckless. He was a soldier who lost his leg at the Siege of Bastogne. To him, giving someone enhanced abilities, well, he doesn’t believe any person could be so good, so pure, as to be trusted with that much strength.”

“I’m not sure he’s wrong about that.”

“He didn’t know you.” Peggy asserted.

“I’ve tried to be the good man Erksine believed me to be. I strive to be thoughtful about how I use my abilities, but I’m not perfect. I’ve done real harm, Peg. To the public. To people I love. Back then, I didn’t have years to make a mess out of things.” He stopped walking and turned to her, pulling his sunglasses off. “Peggy, you don’t know what I’ve become.”

Peggy looked inquisitively into his eyes. They truly are the window of the soul. “Steve, who we are, at our core, that doesn’t change. Circumstances impact our choices, yes, but I saw you lead in the worst battles of the war and never once did you compromise your values.”

Steve walked over to a bench next to bus stop and sat down heavily. “Not compromising my values sets off a chain reaction that leads to the most devastating war Earth will ever see. I destroyed my team. Two of the people I loved most in the world are gone and it all started because I couldn’t go down a path I didn’t believe in. Tasha warned me, but I didn’t listen. She said, ‘Staying together is more important than how we stay together.’ But I left anyway.”

“Steve. What year was it when you decided to come here?”

“2023.”

Peggy gave a slight gasp. He had to have outlived her. It’s not likely she lived to be 102. But more surprising was that he’d lived in the future for 13 years. Thirteen years without her, Howard, and the Commandos. She had only been missing him for three.

“Our lives have not exactly been synchronous have they.” She sat down next to him. “Did you ever marry? In the future? Or have someone special? Tasha?”

He shook his head, smiling, remembering all the time Tasha spent trying to hook him up with someone. And her coming to Peggy’s funeral so he wouldn’t be alone. “Tasha was my partner in pretty much every way. But her heart belonged to another. Y’know, romance and I, we just never have time to dance.” He looked at her, “Dancing is hard without the right partner.”

“It is.” She took his hand. "But dancing itself can still be done with a partner that is close enough. That was the lesson I had to learn after you…left.”

“Is Daniel…close enough?”

“He is.” Her heart clenched as Steve leaned away from her. “But you’re here now and I…that changes things.”

“I’m not sure it should.” Steve placed his other hand over hers.

“And yet reality stays the same. Daniel knows it too. He knew the moment he opened the door. Like I said, he’s a brilliant agent.”

The admiration in her voice made his gut clench like it had when Daniel opened the door. This wasn’t the time to be deciding anything, for either of them.

“Well, I look forward to dinner and getting to know him better. How about you show me around L.A. until then? I’ve not spent much time here. Maybe we’ll run into Cary Grant?”

“Not sure we will encounter many celebrities to be honest, but certainly, I can give you a tour.” She grasped his arm and they started back for her home.


	2. Nihal- The Second Star of Lepus, means “camels quenching their thirst”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Peggy finally have that dance.

Laughter rang across the brick patio, as they sat shaded by large palm trees, the sun setting low behind them. Daniel was quite funny and while they had served in different regions, their war stories weren’t all that different. Steve found himself liking the man immensely, which was only serving to cement his resolve to take his duffel at the end of the evening and return to what had become his time.

“This evening deserves my best port and the Dutch chocolates my Nan sent me for Easter.” Peggy stood and stacked the dishes on a tray she’d pulled from the sideboard by the door.

“I’ll help clean up.” Steve said as he stood and started grabbing dishes.

“I’m hardly an invalid Captain." She scolded. "You are a guest in my home. Act like it.” She pointed towards the chair.

“Yes, ma’am.” His eyes lingered on her as she quickly gathered their plates and cutlery, heading inside.

“I learned pretty early not to argue with her either.” Daniel chuckled, drawing Steve’s attention.

“Most men do. Or pay the price, I think.” He smiled recalling his very first encounter with her, when she punched Hodge for getting lippy.

“I gotta say, you’re not at all who I’d imagined you’d be.” Daniel swirled the last drops of wine in his glass and swallowed.

“That bad, huh?”

“Hell, it was kinda hard not to hate you a little. Even during the war, you were just too good to be true. So I figured you probably were. But she’s right. You were the only one Project: Rebirth would have worked on.”

“I appreciate the affirmation, but I’m as flawed as any man, believe me.”

“Never said you were a god. Just saying I’m glad you turned out to be what she said. It’d be harder to walk way if you weren’t.”

Steve adjusted himself in his chair and leaned in, speaking quietly. “I’m not looking to interfere. You’re a solid guy and it’s not right for me to try and lay claim to anything here.”

“And here I thought you knew Peggy. She’s not a trophy to be passed to the highest bidder. And I’m not a poor cripple with no prospects. Your arrival may be ill-timed, but believe it or not, this isn’t about you. Not really. Peggy and I came together because we shared common experiences and learned to trust one another. Our relationship will be what it is whether you feel ‘right’ about it or not.”

“I’ve never said that Peggy didn’t have total control over her life. But I don’t believe for a minute that she would agree to marry a man who meant little to her. And I’m not sure I’m worthy of meaning so much.”

“Steve, you both have a chance for something that, at least for Peggy, has been her deepest loss. If you left now; that would be more devastating than losing you the first time.”

“There has not been a day since I came out of the ice that I haven’t thought about her.”

“I know that’s true for her too.”

“You’re a solid guy Daniel. I’m very glad I met you. And thank-you.”

“I couldn’t love her and do any less. If this isn’t what she wants, she’ll let me know.”

Daniel stood and grabbed his crutch before stepping away from the table. “You have a good night Steve.”

“You too Daniel.”

Steve sat, watching the dinner candle flicker in the gentle evening air. He could hear Daniel and Peggy talking, but not what they were saying. Lost in his thoughts, her hand on his shoulder made him flinch just a little. She said nothing as she slid her hand down his arm and laced her fingers in his, pulling him up and towards her. She pulled him through the kitchen door, letting him trail behind her as they moved towards the front of the house. As he crossed through the dining room, he heard the rich tones of a trumpet solo coming from the record player and recognized the song as _I’m Getting Sentimental Over You_.

“You had the band play something slow.”

“Hmm-mm.” She let him draw her close and she laid her head against his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart that always beat just slightly fast. His left hand skimmed her waist, fingers brushing slowly up her belly, then over the outside of her breast and up to her chin. She felt him lift her face towards his. Their eyes held.

“Margaret Ann Carter, may I have the pleasure of your company tonight?”

“Steven Grant Rogers, you may have whatever pleasures you’d like.” She leaned up and their lips touched, slow and intentional, their bodies still swaying with the steady beat of Count Bassie’s Orchestra.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, continuing to deepen their kiss as she straightened, letting as much of her body press against his as she could. He responded by placing one hand on the middle of her back and the other low on her waist, pulling her in tighter. They both gave a slight gasp for air at the same moment then laughed in spite of themselves. She spun around in his arms so the curve of her backside rubbed against him as she took his hand and led him up the narrow stairs.

Once in her room, she turned on the lamp that sat on her vanity and then walked to the window and pulled the drapes together. Steve stood inside the doorway, watching her as she then went to the bed, and drew back the lace spread, folding it gently on itself at the footboard. He recognized the pattern. His mother had shown it to him in a Sears-Roebuck and gushed about how pretty it was, though such things were well out of their price range.

Peggy then went to the closet and opened the door, slipped her pumps off, her back to him. She reached up and lifted her hair off her neck, pausing. He needed no further invitation. He strode to her in two long steps, standing inches from her as he unhooked the top of the seam and pulled the tiny zipper downward. Her dress fell forward off her shoulders and his hands instinctively moved to her waist, steadying her balance as she stepped out of the dress and reached for a hanger. She made no sound as she re-zipped the dress now hanging on the bar. Steve on the other hand gave a low, guttural sound deep in his throat as his hand smoothed down over her thighs to the base of her slip. He pulled up the white satin, revealing beige lace garter straps that ran from the top of her stockings to the belt at her waist. By the time he’d woken up in 2010, women didn’t wear these things anymore, but seeing them on her now aroused him more than he thought could be possible. Her hands crossed in front, helping to pull the slip over her head as she turned to face him. Her bodice was tight around her middle, boning supporting under her breasts. They weren’t so far out of the war that metal was available for underwires. He reached behind her, undoing each hook from its eye, starting at the top, so the bodice fell forward from the weight of her breasts. Her eyes studied him as he reached the last hook, collected the bodice and laid it on the vanity to the left of the closet. With a grace that belied his size, he kneeled before her, reaching both hands behind her legs and undid the clasp that held the back of each stocking, causing the straps to bounce as their tension released. He rubbed his fingers up and down the top of her thighs, soothing over the skin that had been rubbing against the straps all day. The feeling of his fingers was exquisite and she had to steady herself with one hand against the closet door.

Steve smiled but did not look up as he rocked back on his heels enough to manipulate the front clasps away from the woven silk material, which was now beginning to slide down her knees. He slid the garter belt over her knickers, careful not to disturb the cotton. He wasn’t ready to unwrap that particular present yet. He let the belt rest on the floor as he slid each stocking off, pausing for her to step out. As she did, she grabbed her green silk dressing gown and pulled it over her arms and shoulders. She didn’t close the front, but the amount of exposure was giving her goose bumps. He again carefully folded her stockings and laid them next to the bodice then looked up at her, relishing the vantage point of her mostly-naked form in front of him. Her mouth opened slightly and he blushed a little.

He stood up, fingering the silk of her robe as he did. “You’re over dressed Captain,” her voice dared him.

He stepped towards her, backing her slightly into the closet, slipping off each one of his shoes in turn, and then stepped back. “Still not regulation.” He quipped, letting his hands fall to his sides.

“I see. Perhaps we should inspect this situation from top to bottom.”

She walked around him, hand passing from one shoulder, across his back to the other until she returned to face him, her gown still open, breasts exposed and her nipples firm from the evening air. She began to unbutton his shirt. “No tie, that’s at least one demerit right there.”

She kept unbuttoning until she reached his belt. “Buckle not polished to a shine. That’s another demerit.”

She pulled the leather strap from the loops and pulled the buckle open, then dragged it forward until it was fully in her hands. She coiled it neatly and set it on the top of the vanity. He watched the circles loosen in a failing effort to distract himself from having her hands so close to his...

She unbuttoned the top of his trousers and pulled the rest of his dress shirt out, unbuttoning the last few. She lifted each wrist, unbuttoning the small ones at the cuffs before sliding the shirt off his shoulders. She hung it by the collar on the closet door knob. Standing before him, she unzipped his trousers and let them fall to his ankles. “Well, now, those are definitely not regulation.”

Steve had packed his duffel with clothes that would not look strange in the late ‘40s intentionally. However one 21st century advancement he was not going to give up was boxer-briefs. He stepped out of his pant legs and moved towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist, drawing her close.

“Some things got better. Underwear is one of them.”

“I heartily concur.” She said as she ran her nails down the glossy nylon and stitched UA on his t-shirt, scraping across his nipples making him hiss.

He stepped forward towards the bed, lifting her slightly as he did, wrapping one arm under her buttocks and laying her on the bed. The dark-green silk floated around her as he laid down on his side next to her, his hand roaming freely now, brushing her lightly here, squeezing or cupping her there. The more he explored, the harder it was for her to keep still. Each place he touched lit up with sensation, yet burned hotter in the one place he hadn’t touched yet. When he leaned down and carefully took her left nipple in his mouth while his fingers lightly circled the right, she groaned and arched her back. “You’re not going to break me Steve.”

His voice was deeper as he spoke around the nipple he’d now started to suckle. “This isn’t gentility. This is savoring.” Though he started to suckle harder and his hand on her breast shifted to more of a kneading of flesh than a tickle. She reached over and brushed her fingers against his erection, prominently featured inside of the Lycra-cotton blend of his boxer-briefs, his hips rocking against her hand.

His mouth released her and he blew gently across the top of her nipple as he shifted over her, his legs between hers. While his shirt was tight enough to leave little doubt to the sculpture underneath, she wanted the feeling of skin against skin.

“Take it off please.” She said as she lifted at the bottom of his shirt. He sat up on his knees and peeled it off. She reached up and bounced her fingers on the top of his left pectoral.

“You seem to favor that one.” He smirked as he flexed it.

“I admit I am quite taken in. You are incredibly beautiful.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.” He laid down, holding himself above her on his elbows, kissing her lips, ears, and neck. She arched and writhed under him, brushing her breasts against his. She lifted her hips a few times, but he wasn’t going to rut against her. Not yet. This wasn’t going to be fast or even moderate. He wanted this to go very slowly. He needed it to.

She seemed to understand and settle in, kissing and sucking him wherever her lips could reach. He lingered so long over her breasts, suckling one nipple then the other, that she scarcely realized he was now drawing his tongue down towards her navel. He noticed that she was holding her breath instantly and stopped. “I won’t do anything you don’t want.”

He propped his left arm out so he could look at her fully. “You OK, Peg?”

“Where you’re heading, with your mouth, that’s… not something anyone’s done before. Are you sure you want to do that?” She wasn’t scared, but she seemed genuinely puzzled.

“Only if you want me to.” He shifted himself back to laying on his side next to her, took her hand and held it, keeping full body contact with her. He wanted her to know he wasn’t leaving, but he needed to give her some space too. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you first.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. And I’ve not exactly been living in a nunnery. But I think I presumed that our experience levels would be the same, though that seems a particularly foolish thought now that I say it out loud. You’ve been out of the ice for over a decade now. Certainly I’m not your first romantic partner. I suppose my brain is still carrying the version of you that was.”

He realized that he’d assumed too. After finding Daniel in the house that morning, he figured they must be sleeping together, but he didn’t actually know if they were. They weren’t married so they might have not fully consummated their relationship. “I’m fine with whatever you’re comfortable with.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Seriously, Steve, you can take goodness only so far. I’ve done this before. Not a lot, but enough to know what to expect. Or rather, to expect what most men want to do. No one has tried to do what you were about to do, that’s all. I’m not exactly opposed, just doubtful it would be that enjoyable for you.” He rolled on his back and laughed for real.

“God, Nat would have had so much fun with you.”

“I beg your pardon.” She sat up, pulling her robe around her. She propped up a pillow against the headboard and leaned back. His head was level with her lap so he propped himself on his elbow again.

“Between Natasha and Tony, I got more sex ed than the army ever dreamed of. I was so behind what your average 12 year old in the future knew about sex it was embarrassing. They caught me up. Never thought I’d need be that person for someone else.”

“What are you talking about? I know exactly how this works.”

“Sure. In a male-centered, woman’s-pleasure-be-damned sort of way. That’s not on you. We all got that, if we got anything at all. But there’s so much more than those bad films they showed us in boot camp to scare us away from hookers and the clap.”

She rolled her eyes at him, exasperated. God he’d missed that. “Now you’re just being crude.”

“Yeah, but that’s part of the problem. It’s all very beautiful actually. Can I tell you about it?”

“I’ve never been one to turn down new information. Please.” He brushed his fingers against the top of her panties. “Can I touch you while I do? I don’t have to and won’t feel at all bad if you’d rather I don’t. I just think experience is an incredible teacher.”

“Of course you can touch me. I trust you.”

Steve sat up slightly, enough to give him use of both arms, and he slid his fingers into her panties, pulling them off. She lifted her hips and let herself slide down a little, so her head was still slightly elevated against the pillow. Steve looked her up and down, sketching every inch of her in his mind, as if he might forget one day.

“You’re so beautiful. I never thought I’d get to see you in your fullness and here we are.” He couldn’t stop the tears even if he wanted to and he realized she was crying too. He leaned up and kissing her until he felt his composure return. Brushing his fingers over the hair of her mons, he said, “Kissing women here is not only pleasurable, it’s addicting.” He let his middle finger push between her lips, feeling her moisture, satisfied by this thick, tangible proof of her arousal and desire. She wiggled and stretched, as he intentionally let his finger touch her clitoris. She gasped and angled her hips, causing her clit to rub against his finger again.

“Believe it or not, I’m very aware that rubbing myself there is quite nice. I’m not that much of a dolt.”

“Peggy, trust me, this isn’t about smarts. ‘It’s the patriarchy dammit.’ As Tasha would say.”

She had no idea what a patriarchal society had to do with what he was doing, but the blunt confidence with which he spoke was arousing in a way she had not experienced before. Whatever he was teaching, she would be an attentive student.

“I can yank on my dick and make it come too, but that doesn’t hold a candle to when I can put it someplace warm and wet and inviting.” His words drew her in and she held his eyes as he kept rubbing tight circles across that tiny bud.

“Men have lost generations of opportunity to make women love sex as much as we do. Our egos and selfishness, our desire for power and control, all led us to deny ourselves the pleasure of watching women we love come undone. That’s what I want to do to you Peggy. I want to see, feel, and hear you orgasm, over and over. I want to know you’re feeling that way because I brought you there. I want you to come before me, with me, and after me.” He withdrew his fingers and watched her pupils dilate further as he put them in his mouth and sucked. “Are you with me?”

She nodded, feeling like she wouldn’t be able to breathe until he did all that he was promising. He returned to where he had been heading before, nestled between her thighs. She closed her eyes as she felt his fingers once again delving into her. When the tip of his tongue licked over her clit, she sucked in a huge breath and then cried louder than she meant to, “Oh my God.”

“You OK?”

“Yes, Steve! We’re shagging! You can’t expect me to keep bloody silent. If I want you to stop, I’ll say so.” Her cheekiness earned her a solid suck on that magical spot and she cried out again, but this time he didn’t stop, pulsing his tongue against her. She felt two fingers slip inside her and the sensations overwhelmed her as he touched somewhere deep in her that echoed what he was doing with his tongue.

Steve couldn’t help but try to study and catalog every noise and moan she made, wanting to learn all the ways she responded and what she especially liked. When her moans became steady and her breathing more shallow, he had a feeling she was close. His own erection strained and pulled at him, wanting attention of its own, but he stayed focused.

“Bloody Fucking Christ!” She shouted as she came. He flattened his tongue, slowly licking upwards through her orgasm until it became too much and he felt her hand on his head, gently pushing him away. He rested his cheek on her thigh, controlling his own breathing as he listened to her come down.

She shifted turning towards her side. “Steve?”

He moved up and she kissed him, her tongue darting in his mouth. He wove his fingers in her hair, holding her close. She pulled back, smiling at him. “I want to see all of you now. Can I?”

He rolled onto his back. “I’m yours.” He put his right hand behind his head and spread his legs slightly, laying himself out for her. She knelt next to him, tossing her robe onto the floor. Her hands started at his shoulders and moved to his chest, following the curve and crease of every muscle down his abdomen. She stroked down the crevice of his Adonis belt and back up. Then her fingers slid beneath his waist band. He lifted his hips as she slid his briefs off and onto the floor. Her hand moved back up the inner side of his calf and he shivered.

“Are you ticklish?” Her face was bright as she looked at him.

“Not exactly,” was his tight reply. He craved her touch and this was her time to explore, so he leaned on his discipline, panting slightly, and waited. Her hand continued its exploration and he forced himself to keep his legs apart as she got closer. She sensed his tension and moved to between his legs, dragging both hands up and down tops and sides of his thighs.

Her hands moved up across his belly and then down the center, over the top of his penis, and back down between his legs. She kept her hands moving, pausing when she felt something that caught her attention. He watched her, fascinated. His arousal was present, yet less urgent-feeling. He felt like if all she wanted to do was pet him all night, it’d still be one of the best nights of his life. She looked at him, her hands not stopping their quest to read every inch of him.

“Is this OK?” She asked.

“We have all the time in the world. I’d like to know what you’re thinking though.”

One of her hands slipped beneath his penis, lifting it, letting it’s length rest on her wrist as she circled the glans with her fingers. Her other hand traced the veins.

“I’ve encountered two other members besides yours.”

Steve cocked his head and smirked a little. “Really?” These were stories he wanted to hear, though he didn’t think he could ask for them.

“But I never really looked at theirs; held them.” Her face was soft but studious as her fingers stroked and smoothed over him. “It’s not that Jason or Daniel were careless or inattentive lovers. This just wasn’t the point. We came together to feel, to make love, and it was intimate and felt wonderful.”

She stroked down the inside of his thighs now, sliding her hands to the back of his knees and pushed a little. He bent his legs, drawing his ankles up, feet flat on the mattress. He didn’t know what she wanted exactly, but she gently nudged his feet outward, so he was as open before her as he could be. Her hands slid along the bed where his ass touched the mattress and then she stroked the space of skin between there and the base of his scrotum. He sucked in a breath and she looked at him. He smiled and nodded at her, letting her know he could handle whatever she needed him to.

“With you, though, this seems necessary, as though mapping every piece of you is essential to making love to you.” She continued her tactile quest, staying more focused on all aspects of his groin area.

“Maybe you want assurance that it’s really me?”

“No. More like discovery. And play.” She leaned forward, letting her breasts hang and brush the back of his legs before leaning up, allowing her nipples to brush along his shaft. He couldn’t help but thrust upwards a little.

“I’m very down with play.” He chuckled as he strained to flex muscles that caused his penis to lift and bounce into her breasts as she hovered over him. She giggled and kissed him, laying fully on top of him now and his legs wrapped around her. He pulled her in tighter against him, then rand his hands down her back and over the smooth flesh of her ass.

“I’m ready for more.” She whispered into his ear, then sucked gently on his earlobe.

“Do you want to stay on top?” He asked as he kneaded her backside.

“Yes” she answered, pushing herself up. He brought his legs down and watched as she straddled him, gliding along his shaft, leaving a trail of heavenly moisture behind. He let his hands rest on her hips now as she moved up, then reached between her legs, guiding him in. She sank onto him and he moved his hands to her waist, slowing her decent. She felt warm, wet, and soft and he choked up at the feeling; a feeling he’d wanted for so long.

She leaned forward, placed a hand on either side of his face and lifted her hips, then dropped them. He felt the strongest urges to thrust, but he held steady, wanting her to set the pace. Peggy kissed him with rich passion as she found her rhythm until her breathing became labored and she sat up more so she could shift where the strokes moved inside her. He cupped her breasts, holding, stroking and teasing her nipples. He bent his knees behind her, which rocked her hips slightly forward and she gave a shuddered gasp. He was getting close now and couldn’t keep himself from thrusting any more. She stilled her movements and let him, sliding her knees out a tiny bit so she dropped lower over him. He gripped the tops of her thighs and increased the speed, still careful not to just pound into her. She moaned freely now and he savored every note, wanting to hear her come again before he did.

She cried his name and he came hard, holding her tight as he rode out the waves of his orgasm, hoping he’d lasted long enough to ensure hers. From the way she collapsed against him, he thought he had. She made no effort to get off of him and he felt content to stay inside of her for as long as she’d let him.

After a few minutes though, she nestled beside him as he remained laid out on his back. She pulled the quilt over them and asked, “You’re still rather at attention, if you don’t mind my saying. My experience has been that men tend to return to normal after.”

He reached for the other side of the quilt to finish pulling it over them. “Yeah, it’s one of the side effects of the serum actually. It will go flaccid, just takes a while.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’s much of a positive side effect.” She yawned a little, and blinked slowly.

“It can be, but most of the time, no, it’s not. I’ve gotten used to it, so don’t feel bad for me.” She kissed the part of his chest close to her mouth.

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me too, Peg, me too.” He kissed the top of her head and lightly rubbed her back until she fell asleep while he watched shadows dance across the ceiling.


	3. Wasat - The Third Star of Gemini, means “middle of the sky”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's memory of an cold night caught out in the German countryside with Bucky.

During the war, he had to learn how to manage his enhanced erections because at 24, Peggy, and sometimes Bucky, could light him up without ever meaning to and going through life with a hard-on was not only embarrassing, it could get rather painful. Peggy’d never seemed to notice, but Bucky had. At first, he teased him about it, which never, ever, helped.

One night when he and Buck had gone out to do some reconnaissance, they got trapped by German troop movements and couldn't get back to base before nightfall. Sleeping on the ground, bodies spooned for warmth with Steve behind, Bucky felt the erection against his backside right away.

“Not tonight, honey. It’s colder than a witch’s tit out here.”

Bucky’d whispered in case there were any Hydra patrols still close by. They had a heavy blanket and would not freeze, but they both were shivering anyway.

“I wish the cold worked on my Johnson. As long as you’re rubbing against it, it’s gonna be like that.” Steve flinched as Bucky shifted.

“It’ll go down eventually.” Bucky offered.

“Probably not for at least an hour. Maybe two. A side effect of the...” Bucky turned his head back as far as he could in their position.

“Really? I knew you were, y’know, bigger. But I didn’t know the serum made you last longer too. I’m never gonna stand a chance with girls around you now. Not if they learn that.”

Steve punched him lightly in the kidneys. “Not like I’m ‘fonduing’ every girl I meet, Buck,” he whispered.

Bucky chuckled in spite of the need for silence. “You know you’re the only one who calls sex ‘fonduing.’ We all know what you mean, but once you get back in the world, you’re gonna have to learn to say ‘fuck’.”

“Don’t be crude.”

“Prude.” Bucky rubbed his ass against Steve, goading him.

“Buck, don’t...” Steve hissed.

“What? You tell me you have the stamina of Zeus. What am I supposed to do with that information?”

“I thought you had a headache.” He could hear the smile in Steve’s voice.

“But now you got me thinking.”

“A dangerous past time.”

“Shut it. Let me have my fantasy for a bit. I’ll sleep better.”

“Buck, helping you sleep better generally ends up with your Johnson in my mouth, not mine up your...”

“Shhhh." Bucky went still and instinctively put his hand on his Webley Revolver. "I heard...”

At that moment, Steve heard it too. He pulled Bucky closer to him and silently pulled his shield over them. A rack of antlers shadowed in the moonlight as a deer came from between two trees near them and the both let out the breath they were holding. Steve slid the shield back over his hips, resting it on the ground and loosened his arm around Bucky.

Bucky grasped his wrist and pulled it tight again. “It doesn’t feel very manly to say so, but you do make me feel safer, Steve.”

Steve hugged him tight for a moment and relaxed. “Now that mom’s gone, you’re the only family I have.”

“Does it hurt? When it won’t go down? Seems like it would hurt.”

“Yeah, it hurts. And rubbing one off doesn’t help. Just makes it last longer. So I ignore it as best I can.”

“Sorry.” Bucky couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of Steve’s new strength and body. In other ways, though, he’s still living with a chronic condition.

“Go to sleep, Buck.”

“Tryin’” Bucky closed his eyes and tried to not think about what it would be like to take Steve to the attic of his old brownstone now. Their dalliances were few, but they happened and he carried a fondness for those encounters. His memories swirled with new realities before his mind’s eye until he fell asleep.


	4. Coxa: The Seventh Star of Leo, means “two small ribs”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy learns more about Steve's life with Bucky.

Steve and Peggy made love again as the light of dawn filled the bedroom. And again in the shower. Peggy sat at her vanity table rolling the large curlers out of her hair while he sat on the bed, dressed in chinos and a dress shirt, flipping through an issue of Life.

“You said in the future I was married but you didn’t know to whom. If you’d talked to me in the future, wouldn’t it be easy to find out?”

Steve folded his hands in his lap. “You didn’t change your name and by the time I returned, your husband had died. I never asked his name and you never shared it.”

“I hadn’t even thought about the fact that marrying Daniel would mean changing my name. Glad to know I didn’t subscribe to that convention.”

Steve chuckled. “Peggy, you’re a British/American spy shacking up with a man you’re not married to in 1948. Convention has never been your priority.”

“How about you? Did you ever…fondue with someone in the future?”

“It’s complicated.” Steve smiled at her.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m going to take that as a yes. You were much more honest about things before you got so experienced.”

“I was a lot of things when you met me, Peggy, but a virgin wasn’t one of them.”

“You told me I was the longest conversation you’d had with a woman.”

“You were. I said I was experienced. I didn’t say with women.” He was testing her. In 1943, he didn’t talk about this. But at 106, he was done hiding. And if she was going to give up her fiancé for him, she deserved to know.

“What are you telling me? That you’re…” She couldn’t finish the sentence

“Peggy, I’m not a homosexual. I’m very attracted to women. I’ve just found that I’m sometimes attracted to men too.” Peggy thought about a certain fight with Howard in her bedroom a few years ago.

“You and Stark?” She asked. Tony’s face flashed in Steve’s mind and he flinched ever so slightly before remembering that she only knew one Stark.

“Not Howard, no. But my relationship with Bucky was more intimate than just friends.”

“Is this why you don’t want me to leave Daniel? Do you have someone else you’re attached to?” Peggy didn’t really think so, but this was not in her experience, drugged kisses from Dottie aside.

“No.” Steve leaned back. “I like my relationships one at a time generally. But sometimes, things get complicated.”

“Were you in love with Bucky when we met?”

“I’ve always loved Bucky. My whole life, Bucky’s been here,” he placed his hand on his heart. “But we also held no illusion that what we had was all there was for us to experience in life. Before the serum, we’d have these ups and downs, where I’d think he was just taking pity on me because he could get girls and I couldn’t. But then he’d lay down next to me in bed, just talking and massaging my sore chest muscles. My asthma would make my chest ache so bad I couldn’t sleep. It was loving and sensual, and occasionally, sexual. Those were times I knew I meant something deeper to him. We were comfortable. But I never thought for a minute that he wouldn’t get married to some nice girl and have a family one day.”

“That sounds a lot like being in love with him.”

“Maybe. But I wasn’t. Not then. Not like how I felt when I met you. The energy I felt being with you; I can’t describe it. You and I have something that pulls at me from deep in my gut. I never felt as jealous over any of Bucky’s girlfriends as I did when I thought you and Howard were an item. You spark something in me no woman ever has, even women I like a lot. I’ve never wanted to dance with anyone as much as I want to dance with you.”

She stood and faced him. He took her hands in his.

“I want to hear all about your others. This feels vital to knowing who you are. We could drive up into the hills; take a picnic.”

“I’d love that. But you have to tell me about yours too then.”

“Seems fair. Why don’t you go make some sandwiches and I’ll finish getting ready.”


	5. Benetnasch, The Eighth Star of Ursa Major, means “daughters of the brier”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve shares more of his life from the future and Peggy learns a critical fact about the here and now.

He was spreading butter on bread in the kitchen mentally re-running several of his past dalliances. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to share. His sexual partners were now even: two men, two women, but he still wasn’t that good at relationships, seeing as his longest had spent most the past 8 years in ice, in Wakanda or dust. He loved Bucky profoundly, but their time was past. Things had never been exclusive with Tony and his experiences with Tasha could barely even be considered friends with benefits. Trying to explain about her would be the most difficult, because even he didn’t fully understand it.

They drove up into the hills above Los Angeles. He’d not been in the California desert before and while it was hot, he loved the slightly salty smell in the dry air. They found a quiet spot on a small mesa and laid out a heavy quilt.

“Was Bucky your first?” Peggy asked as she nibbled on strawberries.

“You’re just diving right in aren’t you?” He kept unpacking food and laying it out between them.

“I’m extremely curious.”

“Yes, Bucky was the first person I kissed, and first sexual experience, though we were in high school then. He used to come over to my house a lot, especially after my mom got sick. I didn’t have the stamina to care for her as much as she needed, so he’d come to help and sleep over. There were only two rooms, so he slept in my bed. With Bucky, it was easy, natural.”

“What happened then, during the war?”

“Well, the new me was rather intimidating for him honestly. And I’d met you. He didn’t initiate anything and I let it go. He liked you though.”

“Glad to know I had his blessing.” Peggy’s legs were stretched out, her sandals off and her feet rested lightly against his ankles. “Who was your first experience with a woman? Your abilities last night made it rather clear it was not with me.”

His cheeks flushed a little. “Her name is...was… Natasha Romanov.” His eyes welled and he just let them fall. “When I came out of the ice, I had to remake my life. The people I counted on, who I’d build my life around, they were gone. Tasha was my partner and best friend. I trusted her with my life. She and Sam got me through so much in those first couple years and we became family. Just like in the war, really, but with them, I had years instead of months.”

Tasha and I were never in love, though we loved each other. Some nights, you're just too raw to sleep and having someone next to you…it helps you feel grounded when everything else is chaos.”

_2014_

Steve laid on the couch in Sam’s living room, staring at the ceiling as the reflections of the headlights from passing cars would cause the room to briefly glow and then fade. One change he’d needed to get used to was in the future, nights are seldom dark. Cities didn’t sleep anymore. Between cars that drove at all hours and people working or living, there was always a light on somewhere. Even so, he heard her mere seconds before he saw her shadow stretch across the far wall.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” Steve asked.

“Don’t want to.” Tasha took his hand and pulled. His soldier reflexes kicked in and he jumped to his feet, thinking they needed to run.

“Stand down, Rogers.” Tasha still had a hold of his hand and wrapped it around her waist, pulling him close to her.

“What are you doing, Tasha?”

She studied his face, “Being a friend.” She drew him close and kissed him. He reacted the same as he had yesterday while they were outrunning Rumlow and his boys. He hoped he was faring better than her earlier critique of his kissing had implied.

He guessed it was better since she kept kissing him, but he pulled away. “This feels like more than being friends.”

“Depends on your perspective.” She gently pet his forearm like she was trying to calm a spooked puppy. He laid his own hand on top of hers, stilling her motions.

“My perspective is that this is a pretty intimate thing; a lot of trust is involved.”

“You said you trusted me now.” Her eyes searched his and he thought he saw a hint of pleading, but then it vanished.

“Tasha, I do trust you. But I’m not exactly stable right now. I’m not sure starting something is the wisest thing for us to be doing.”

She gave him a coy smile that he found endearing and a bit suspicious at the same time. “Which is why we don’t overthink it. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Besides, you can’t tell me you’re not a bit curious. I know I am.” She stepped in closer to him, slowly in case he started to back away. He didn’t, so she ran her hand across the back of his neck, fingertips lightly passing through his hair.

He’d gone on a few dates and kissed fewer still, but this would be more than he’d done with a woman before. He felt he owed it to her to say so. “Curious, sure. Nervous, definitely. If you thought my kissing was inexperienced...” He expected her to make a joke but she got very serious instead.

“Let me make you feel good Steve. And I can show you how to make any other women you end up with feel good too.” She started kissing him again. “That’s definitely what friends are for.”

************

“How long did your relationship with her last?” Peggy asked, unwrapping a sandwich from its wax paper.

“With Nat, it was deeply physical, powerfully intimate, but always rooted in raw need. Hers and mine. Honestly, I never sought her out for sex, or at least I didn’t see it that way. She was the one who had my back, always. And she was the only person other than Tony who could see when I was slipping away. Sex with her gave me the tangible thing I needed to hold on at times. Mostly, she seemed to understand what I needed better than I did. I tried to be that same person for her, but I don’t know that I was as good at it as she was. She was the heart of our team. The hole in my life without her is as big as the one when Bucky fell from the train.” He wiped a tear and distracted himself by focusing on his own sandwich.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Steve. For all your losses. The war cost so much, but you have kept fighting far longer than the rest of us.”

“I’m here because I finally had the chance to stop fighting. First, I lost Tasha and then I lost Tony. It was too much. I knew I still had Bucky and Sam...”

“Wait, what? I don’t understand. Sergeant Barnes died in the war.”

“He didn’t. Hydra found him after he fell. We figure they were already starting to mimic Project Rebirth before you & Howard flew me to rescue him. There’s no other way he could have survived that fall. They found him and finished the job, manipulating his brain, turning him into the kind of soldier Erksine desperately wanted to avoid. Cost me a lot to get Bucky grounded again.”

“Steve. Are you saying Sergeant Barnes is being held by Hydra right now?”

He gave her a pained look. “Yes. But he made me promise to not go looking for him. We argued about it for quite a while before I left. He said that the price of letting me go was to make the best life I could. No more missions, no more war. Just a normal life.”

Peggy shift up onto her knees, back straight. “I don’t lead a normal life Steve. S.H.I.E.L.D. is about to launch and my mission is just beginning. Did you...were you expecting me to be your ‘normal life’?”

Steve took her hands in his. “No way. I would never want you to do or be anything but exactly who you are, which is a strong, intelligent, force to be reckoned with and I am here to support you through all of it. Bucky didn’t want me risking any of that to try and rescue him from a place he might not be reachable. He knew I would try though. So he made me promise on his life that I wouldn’t.”

“Well, he didn’t make me promise anything.” She started packing up their basket.


	6. Alcyone, The First of the Pleiades, means “queen who wards off evil”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy discovers she may be more "Steve" than he is.

“What are you doing, Peg?” Steve was startled by her speed and efficiency.

“Sergeant Barnes wasn’t only your friend, Captain. He was one of the Howling Commandos and we don’t leave a Commando behind. Ever. You may have forgotten that in your time away but I assure you, I have not.” She stood and tugged on the corner of the blanket, causing him to scramble to his feet.

“Peggy, you don’t know...”

She rounded on him, fire in her eyes. “I am happy to drop you off at the house, Captain, if you don’t feel prepared to be a part of this. But we have lost valuable time already so I suggest we step to it.” She turned on her heel and walked for the car.

“Yes, ma’am.” Rescuing Bucky wasn’t the hardest part, he knew. Deprogramming him would be. He had no clue what Shuri had done to accomplish it and she wouldn't be born for another 60 years.

Peggy’d already started the car when he climbed in next to her. “I can’t ask you...”

“Stop it right there, Steve. This isn’t about you, not one bit. And the fact that you believe for even a moment that it is betrays a level of self-absorption I did not know you to be capable of. S.H.I.E.L.D’s very purpose is to root out Hydra, Nazis, whoever threatens the freedom and justice we just lost more than half a generation to protect. Did you honestly think you could come back here and tell me that someone is still working, successfully according to you, to create a race of super-soldier who will put all of that at risk and expect me to not do anything? Please tell me you didn’t actually think that.”

Steve stared out the open car window, feeling the wind rush past. “Whatever we do won’t change anything I lived through, y’know. I can’t pretend to fully understand the quantum mechanics of it, but I do know that already things have changed from what I lived through. And the more we change, the less my lived experience will help. I’m not here to right the past. I’m here to be with you. That was the only reason I made Bucky that promise. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to spare him or stop Hydra.” He glanced at her and saw her knuckles whiten on the steering wheel. “Nothing I do, no intel I give you, will erase the path he’s already gone down.”

“You arrogant son-of-a-bitch. What gives you the right to determine the path for the rest of us?’

Steve laughed ruefully. “You sure you’re not related to Tony?”

“I don’t even know who Tony is.” She said with some exasperation.

“He’s Howard’s son.” Steve looked at her. She stole a few glances at him, trying to split her focus between him and the road.

“Stark? Hold on. The same Tony you’ve been talking about being...involved with… is Howard’s son?” He could hear more than surprise in her voice. He heard alarm. And judgement.

“Yes.” He turned from her and focused on the pine trees flying by the car window, his stomach clenching the way it used to when he was young and afraid someone would find out about him and Bucky. As much as Tony and the rest of the Avengers acted like his bisexuality was no big deal, he still carried the shame born out of growing up in the 1920s and ‘30s.

“I can’t imagine Howard settling down enough to have a child.” There was a tension between them now.

“He didn’t for a long time. Tony wasn’t born until 1970, but from everything I know, Howard loved Maria. They both died when Tony was in college.”

Peggy gasped. “How?” She kept her eyes on the road, even as she could feel the tears welling up. She didn’t know if she could take knowing these things about her friends yet was compelled to keep listening.

“Bucky killed them in 1991.” Peggy hit the brakes and pulled the car off the road.

“You have to tell me everything right this second or I’ll...”

“This is what I’m trying to say Peggy. There is so much woven here and I have no way to know what happens if I pull on even one thread. That’s what Bucky and I fought over. If I save him, what if Tony is never born or never builds an arc reactor? There are so many interwoven pieces to everything that happens. Shifting this timeline based on my knowledge of the future... it could impact this one in ways that are more devastating than what I lived through. Buck understood this and I didn’t. He wasn’t going to let me leave until he was sure I wasn’t going to try and save everyone. This time, I had to listen.” He figured his effort to save Nat didn’t count, since it hadn’t worked anyway.

“Steve, I can’t sit by and do nothing. I certainly won’t let Howard be murdered.”

“And maybe he won’t be. I honestly don’t know what role my being here now has on things. All I know is that I shouldn’t interfere too much. Things will happen or they won’t. You have your own work that I wouldn’t dream of interfering in any of it but this. But I’m retired. No more S.H.I.E.L.D work for me. ”

“I see. Then what will you do?”

“I’ve, well, I had thought I’d try making comic books.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m pretty good at drawing, and things I’ve lived through...no one would believe. Might as well make a living off it. Maybe write some happier endings. Or worse endings. Or no endings. Maybe Captain America fights Red Skull over and over?”

"Sounds boring, beating the same villain all the time.”

Steve shrugged, “Maybe Cap needs to die and a new hero can come up? It’s a big universe.”

Peggy nodded and pulled the car back onto the highway. They didn’t say much more on the drive home. While she understood his point of view, she struggled with it. The Steve she knew would never leave a man behind, no matter the cost or the odds. _You don’t know what I’ve become._ Even though he’d told her, she wasn’t prepared for what that meant.

She glanced over at him, a memory flashing of driving with him the day he’d been pumped full of Vitarays. While he was bigger now, the look on his face as he stared out the window was exactly the same. She never wanted to have secrets from Steve, but looking at his face, she knew she would have one now. Regardless of what condition they found Sergeant Barnes, Hydra had to be stopped. She gripped the steering wheel until her fingers went white because she knew this was a moment she would look back on. The one where she gave herself over S.H.I.E.L.D., not in honor of her love for Steve, but in spite of it.


	7. Homam - The Fifth Star of Pegasus, means “the high-minded man”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard discovers Peggy's been keeping something from him.

A few weeks later, they’d gone to the courthouse late in the afternoon on a Tuesday, hoping to have as few folks around as possible. They stood before a judge, his clerk and secretary serving as witnesses. When the judge congratulated “Mrs. Rogers”, Steve corrected him. “Name’s Carter. Thanks for your time.”

They settled into an easy life really. Steve was content to carry the bulk of the housework and other tasks of their life together. He set up a drawing table in the attic store room upstairs. It was too hot to work there during the day, so most of his sketching and story-boarding happened after sunset. He’d created a few set up issues of _Excelsior_ , a star fleet led by Commander Leland Stann and his crew. He hoped he could find a publisher in New York once he had a short series done.

Life in Avengers Tower had taught him enough basic cooking to keep them decently fed, though he wished he could call for J.A.R.V.I.S. to help guide him through a particular recipe when he had to make substitutions for ingredients not as available in the late 1940’s. He was putting a chicken in to roast when there was a banging at the door.

“Pegs! Open up! I got it! I found...”

Steve opened the door and looked into a face that was just as stunned as his own. His memories of Howard had faded across the years and until now, he hadn’t realized how his memories of what Howard looked like had been transfigured by the pictures of him as an older man Tony’d kept around his apartment and office. Seeing the younger version, a version far more like Tony than he’d recalled, was making him catch his breath.

For Howard, it was something all together different. “Steve? How are...when?”

Steve grabbed Howard by the elbow and pulled him into a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you, pal.” He stepped back and pulled him into the house. “C’mon into the kitchen. You want a Coke or a beer?”

“Scotch, neat.” Howard answered automatically as he laid an envelope down on the counter and Steve realized Howard was eyeing him warily.

“It really is me, Howard. I swear.” Steve walked closer, resting his arm on the counter near the envelope and Howard slid it closer to himself protectively.

“I believe you.”

“No you don’t. What can I say that will prove it do you?”

Howard's eyes narrowed slightly. “What was the last thing I said to you before Project Rebirth?”

“We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we are ready as we’ll ever be.” Steve smiled and he saw Howard give a small sigh but he still didn't smile back. The man was more guarded than he remembered him being. War did things to you but he hated seeing Howard so burdened.

“How did you survive? Where were you?”

“I was found in the ice 70 years in the future. In 2023, I found a way to come back.”

“How?”

“There is actually no way for me to answer that question. I’m a good soldier, good artist, but a terrible physicist.”

“When did you get back?” Howard motioned to the small gold band on Steve’s left hand. “And who did you leave behind?”

Steve sat back against the counter, realization sinking in. “I...I’ve been back about three months; been married slightly less than that.”

“Three months?!? Are you...You’re saying that you have been back three months and you and Peggy are now married?” Howard put his hands up in the air as if to say, “Well, fuck”. A Stark mannerism he knew all too well.

“OK, well, give her that.” Howard pushed the envelope angrily, causing it to slide across the counter and into the sink. “I better go before she gets back, since she clearly she can’t get her revenge if I know about all this.” He headed for the door.

“Howard, wait. Peggy should be home soon and we can all talk about this. I was the one who encouraged her not say anything. Daniel's still at the SSR and I...”

“Oh, she and I **will** talk about this. Steve, you may be her husband, but I know exactly who Peggy Carter is and what she is capable of. You’re obviously staying a while, so we will catch up later, my friend.” Howard was already out the door as he said the last sentence. Steve stood at the counter, head bowed as he heard the engine of the '42 Buick roar to life.

 _And here I thought I was free from Stark temper-tantrums._ “Sure, pal. Whatever you need,” he said aloud to no one. Picking up the envelope, he opened it and even by the corner, he knew exactly what it was. He’d read through this very file many times, only now it was stiff and new. A brown-colored folder with Russian lettering and a grainy photo of Bucky clipped to the front. He held it gingerly, recalling Tasha’s words when she handed the same folder to him so long ago. _Be careful Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread._


	8. Muliphein - The Third Star of Canis Major, means “the two causing dispute and the swearing of an oath”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fall-out of Peggy's efforts to find Bucky are only beginning...

The sound of Peggy’s Studebaker rolling into the carport by the kitchen door alerted him that she was home, but he did not get up to greet her like normal. His hand rested on his coffee cup, the dark liquid now cold and undrinkable. He had been reading through the file, mostly to see what wasn’t there and therefore what terrors Bucky hadn’t yet done. He also wanted to see what may have been lost to time before he had first read through it in 2013.

“Whatever it is, smells good.” Peggy said as she set down her satchel and took off her dress coat. “What has you so engrossed?” She had walked over and laid an arm across his shoulders and then focused on what he was looking at. The way her arm then dropped told him all he needed to know.

“I see Howard stopped by today. Did you boys get a chance to catch up?” Her voice strained for casual and failed. She grabbed the tea kettle, emptying it and refilling it with cool water from the sink. It wasn’t tea time, but she needed something to do.

“Not really, since he was surprised as hell to see me and more than a little upset with you for not telling him.” Steve stood on the other side of breakfast bar from the range where she was lighting the gas to get the flame going.

“He will be fine. Howard is a bit of a drama queen.” She took down two cups and was now studying the three jars of tea as though the choice of selecting the right leaf was of paramount importance.

“I told you I didn’t want you pulling on the threads of my past. I explained the risks. Why did you do this Peggy?”

Anger rising, she finally looked at him. “Because I don’t base my work decisions on you, Captain. I make them based on the good of the country. I had solid intelligence of an enemy threat and I had to act.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What, intelligence?” She crossed her arm and glared at him.

“Captain. Don’t call me Captain. You only call me that when you’re trying to distance yourself from me. I’m not in the army or S.H.I.E.L.D anymore and I’m not some dumb dough-boy you can order around. I’m your husband. If we’re gonna fight, you need to fight with me. You owe me that.”

“Well, Steven, as my husband, I’m not authorized to talk about any of this with you since you don’t have the security clearance.”

“Dammit, Peggy, stop it. You think you’re the only spy I’ve dealt with? That I don’t know what it looks like to have to trust my life to someone who always has one eye open and one foot out the door? It’s a hell of a way to live and I’m over it. S.H.I.E.L.D may be in its infancy right now, but in 70 years it’s a world-wide agency that, while it does some good, does a whole lot of harm too. And it begins right here with you.”

“Well, it is a rare thing when a man gives me more credit than I actually deserve, but the only proof I have of any of that is your say so. I am not the only driving force here Steve. Howard, Chester, and I are building something important that will help us be ready for the kind of war Johan Schmidt tried to create. You died in the war, Steve. But I had to finish it.”

“Because of S.H.I.E.L.D, we never stop fighting. The more we try to stop a fight before it begins, the stronger our enemies become. We signal to the entire galaxy that Earth is ready for a higher form of war. And maybe we are supposed to. Maybe that is fate before us. But you pull on this thread,” he tapped Bucky’s file, “we have no idea what it could unravel.”

“How can you leave him like that? Abandon him in this way? I thought he was your friend!”

Steve ran his fingers over the photo. “You think this is easy for me, Peg? I’ve loved Bucky more deeply and for far longer than anyone in this world. He was my family, my lover...he has been the rock I’ve clung to since I was 8 years old. You think I don’t want to do everything possible to bring him home? To save him from what he will become? Between you and me, **I’m** the one who is actually thinking of the common good over my own wants and needs. You’re the one using Bucky as a rally point to build your own empire.”

He picked up the file and headed up to his drawing room just as the whistle started to blow on the kettle.


	9. Mulu-lizi - The Fourth Star of Libra, means “man of fire”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Stark influence on both Steve and Peggy, past and present, has lasting effects.

He was at the coloring stage of his latest pages, which required concentration, but not as much as the inking did. Tony used to spend hours tinkering in his shop when he was upset or needing to think while Steve had always gone for a run or used the sparring bag. He had underestimated the power of creating something as a means of self-soothing. Even now, Tony was teaching him new things.

2015

“God, Rogers, it smells in here.”

Steve lowered the weight bar into its rests and sat up, taking swallows from his water bottle as he used his towel to wipe the sweat from his face and neck. Tony rarely came into the weight room.

“Build better ventilation then.” Steve didn’t move from the bench but his eyes followed Tony as he paced. It has been three weeks since Sokovia and Steve’s presence in the Tower was a temporary pit stop. Sam had uncovered a source in Romania that might have a line on Bucky. He and Tony had argued upstairs about Sam’s “extra missions” and Steve had come down here to cool off. Tony’s presence was either a peace offering, or they were about to go for Round Two.

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Tony stopped at the table that had a couple of the muscle rollers and he picked up one of the electric massagers, turning it on, startled by its intensity. “Jesus, your sex toys are insane.”

Steve laughed and shook his head. “It’s a deep-tissue massager. The serum makes it hard for my muscles to relax sometimes and since we don’t have a live-in masseuse...”

Tony tossed his hands up, “Sorry, budget cuts. Can’t have everything.”

Steve smiled at him. “Tony, what do you want?”

“World peace. But I never seem to get that. So I’ll settle for finding a way to not fight with you for a while.”

 _Peace offering it is then._ Steve stood and wiped any remaining sweat off the bench with his towel. “How about I take a shower and we can go get Thai?”

Tony began to saunter closer. “Sure, we could. Or we could put a pin in that and move straight to the making up part.”

Steve laughed again, a sound that Tony craved like a double-malt Scotch. “Is that what we’re gonna call it?”

“Hey, call it a taxi or Great Aunt Edna if that makes you happy. I don’t care, I just...” Tony stopped inches from Steve, restraining himself from closing in further.

“What do you want, Tony?” Steve held his arms loose at his side, waiting.

“Surprise me.” Tony locked eyes with him now.

“Nope. You sought me out, you make the call. What do you need?” He could see Tony’s thoughts racing behind dilated pupils.

“You. Everything. All of it.” Tony grabbed Steve’s face and began kissing him. Steve responded with equal energy, maneuvering Tony backwards towards the barbel counter. He lifted him easily and Tony wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist instinctively. Steve pulled Tony’s hips to the edge as he rocked his own upwards, breaking the kiss and panting against Tony’s neck for a moment before sucking in the flesh above Tony’s collarbone.

Tony leaned back and moaned a little, savoring the combination of wet heat at his neck and dry friction at his groin. But it quickly became too little and he pushed on Steve’s arms gently. “C’mon, let’s get this show going.” Tony braced himself and kicked off his shoes as Steve undid the belt and buttons of Tony’s khakis, pulling trousers and underwear down in one go. Tony tried to reach into Steve’s workout pants but got his hand slapped for the effort. Tony’d set the stage: Steve was in charge of this play. And Steve was going to run the show.

Steve reached into the front breast pocket of Tony’s dress shirt for the packet of lube he knew would be there. Tony never started anything he wasn’t prepared for. Tearing the packet with his teeth, Steve squeezed the whole thing into his right palm and hitched his workout pants just low enough to free his cock and balls, letting the elastic rest behind them. He stroked himself firmly and quickly, pulling himself to full length because he knew Tony was watching.

“Wider” Steve ordered, pushing against one of Tony’s legs before placing his hand firmly against the top of Tony’s hip as he lined himself up and pushed in. Tony wrapped his hands around Steve’s neck and locked his ankles as Steve began his firm, steady thrusts. No words passed between them, just groans of effort and pleasure that moved from work-out room, to shower, to bed with each new release until Tony’s stamina finally gave out in Steve’s room with a sigh as he collapsed, the hairs of his beard tickling Steve’s chest.

“I love making up.” Tony said in a heavy exhale.

“I know. But you don’t have to pick a fight with me for us to do this, y’know.”

“I’m not picking fights. I’m trying to get you to understand.” Tony yawned and snuggled against him.

“Understand what?” Steve brushed Tony’s arm lightly with his fingers.

“That I want you to stay.”

Steve hugged him tighter. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Tony’s light snore told him that his promise hadn’t been heard. Just as well since it would only be a few months later that he would break it in the most devastating way, sending him and Tony down a path they would never recover from.

*************

The sound of a tea tray being set on the desk behind him roused him from his memories and he squashed the rising self-loathing back down into the pit he kept it locked in. He felt the heat of her body as she stood behind him, hand across his back.

“These really are incredible.” She said, admiring the pages of squares and rectangles, each box full of block lettering and colorful characters. He handed her the page he had finished earlier.

“I don’t know if anyone but me will enjoy reading it, though I’m not sure I care if they don’t. Writing these has done more for me than I ever could have hoped.”

“Tell me about it.” She laid the page down carefully and turned him in his chair, settling herself in his lap.

“Putting it down here, even though this story isn’t exactly what happened, it helps me process. And let go.”

“I wish, at times, I could let it go. I don’t want to forget who we lost and why.”

“That’s because you think letting go and forgetting are the same thing. We can rebuild a life with what we have now and let that be the legacy that honors those gone. That was Tony’s last lesson to me. One I refused to learn until it killed him. He’d done it. He built a life. Got married, had a beautiful daughter...he had peace. Until I came and convinced him we needed one last mission to bring back everyone we’d lost. And I nearly destroyed the world in the process. We got Bucky back but the price I paid was the deaths of the two people I had built my life around. I’ve been through time and space and the one constant I’ve found is that trying to take back what was taken from you always ends in you losing more. I love Bucky and always will. I love you too. Enough that I’m not willing to risk losing you in a quest to have more than I deserve. I’m begging you, please don’t pull that thread.”

She watched a silent tear roll down his cheek and wiped it with her thumb. “OK. I won’t, for now. But you have to trust me enough to tell me everything. Not because we are changing the future, but because we need to understand it. I need to understand it.” He pulled her close to him and she laid her head against his.

The phone rang downstairs and she pulled away slightly. “I‘ll be back.” Steve nodded as she headed down the steep stairwell. The phone was on a small table in the hall at the base of the stairs and Steve could hear her side of the conversation.

“It’s really not a good time Mr. Jarvis... I see. How much has he had?... Oh, dear. He’ll sleep it off, just like always... I’m not... Alright. Yes. I can be there in 15 minutes. Edwin? You truly are his most loyal friend, you know... Good night.”

She turned to find Steve at the bottom of the stairs. “Howard?”

“Yes. I know this is hard to understand but he needs...,” her voice trailed off. How could she explain this in a way that didn’t seem like she was abandoning her spouse for a lover?

“Go. I have a pretty good idea. They’re a lot alike, y’know.”

“I had rather hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but thank-you.” She pulled her small purse from her satchel and headed out the kitchen door.


	10. Ras Algethi, The First star of Hercules, means “head of the kneeling one”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy and Howard have it out, with some help from Jarvis.

“Jarvis! Where’s the juice, man?” Howard was laying on the floor of his study, drunk and high, his silk robe splayed open around him, naked save his boxers and black socks. Mixing wasn’t all that rare for Howard, but when he’d called for his opium kit, Jarvis knew they were teetering on the edge of all-out self-destruction. He’d heard enough from Howard’s drunken ramblings to know Ms. Carter was at the epicenter of whatever was happening, so he’d called her.

“I’m still working on your cheeseburger, Sir.” Edwin Jarvis shouted from outside the room.

Howard rolled back and forth on the oriental carpet, “Cheeseburger, yeah. That sounds good.”

“Can you at least put some trousers on?”

“Peggy? That you?” Howard rolled towards the door, eyes trying to focus. “Brown wedge pumps. Yup, that’s you.” Howard got on all fours and crawled over to the couch to pull himself up.

“Good Lord, you can hardly stand up. Stay on the floor for your own protection.”

“No! I’m mad at you and when I’m mad, I stand up.” He steadied himself against the couch and continued to try and look at her. “Though I wish there weren’t four of ya.”

She crossed her arms and leaned against the door jamb. “Well, when there is only one of me, kindly close your robe. I’ll have Mr. Jarvis make us some tea.”

“Y’know what Pegs? Fuck you and your prudishness. You look down on me about girls, and booze, and make me feel like I’m worth shit. But this is me!” He struggled out of his robe and then slid down on the couch as he pulled frantically at his socks. He stood and swayed as he pulled his boxers down too.

“For God’s sake, Howard, enough of this foolishness!”

“No, dammit. Look at me! Look at all of me and tell me why you lied to me? Why you betrayed the one thing…the one thing you understood…the one sacred thing? How could you do that Peggy? How could you?” He sank back on to the couch and sobbed.

She pulled the door closed so Jarvis would not come in. She picked up a quilt off the rack in the corner and walked over to him. “Come on, Howard. Please. You’ll get cold. Here.” She wrapped it around his shoulders and sat next to him.

“I didn’t lie to you. I just hadn’t told you yet.”

“Pegs, he’s been back long enough for you to marry him. You got married and didn’t even tell me. Lies don’t have to be spoken. You were the only one who understood; who got what he meant to me because he meant that to you too. And you kept it all to yourself. It’s a betrayal, Pegs. It’s a betrayal.” Howard pulled the quilt around himself and leaned away from her.

She knelt on the floor in front of him. “Howard, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I waited to tell you. It was selfish of me. I’m truly sorry. We’ve been through so much, you and I, but after New York, we never spoke of him. I thought that was how you wanted it.”

“He’s back and you didn’t tell me. There’s really nothing you can say to justify that.”

“You’re right. There’s not. But what you are doing right now hurts you and that’s not justified either. You try to drown your agonies in sex and substance but neither works for you, does it?” She ran her fingers through his hair and cupped his face in her palm. “Get dressed and come home with me.”

His eyes were heavy lidded and his voice thick, “Not sure I can. Need to sleep.”

“I’ll be here when you wake.” She lifted his legs so he was fully on the couch, adding another quilt atop him.

The door opened slightly and Jarvis asked, “Would you like some tea and scones?”

“I’d love some, thank-you.”

“My pleasure.” He returned a short while later with a steaming pot of Earl Grey, oat scones, shortbread, fresh currants, and some watercress sandwiches.

“Mr. Jarvis, this is too much.”

“Oh, you had supper then?” Jarvis set out two white china plates and began serving.

“Come to think of it, no. Seems I’ve been zero for two in fights with men in my life this evening.”

“I figured as much. Mr. Stark returned from your house about 5:00 and started drinking and smoking immediately, ranting to himself in the study. I called you a short time later. Doesn’t leave much time for sustenance.” He put one spoon of sugar in her cup and two in his own, then added cream to both. After pouring the tea, he handed her cup over.

“You are far wiser than Mr. Stark gives you credit for. I’m grateful for your thoughtfulness.”

He nodded and they sat in silence for a bit, sipping tea and glancing over at their charge as he snored on the sofa.

“You hurt him quite badly you know.” Jarvis said, finally breaking the silence.

“I know.” What more could she say really?

“Do you?” Jarvis tilted his head at her. She looked at him but gave no answer. He continued. “Mr. Stark has the kind of mind that doesn’t come along but once every few generations. He has no peer as far as intelligence and creativity for engineering. But in other ways, he struggles to hold himself in comparison to others. He’s not as tall or strong as many and he learned to compensate for this in ways that are more hedonistic than is wise, but his bravado served to conceal his lack of faith in himself. Captain Rogers was not just a science project to him. He was someone to admire, to emulate, to idolize. Which only grew more robust after the Captain’s loss to the sea. Mr. Stark holds no particular theological stance, but I know for certain that what little faith he may lay claim to, he placed in Steve Rogers.”

Peggy emptied her cup and moved to pour another. Jarvis ‘tsk-ed’ at her and she sat back as he performed his duty. “That was true of a lot of us who knew and loved Steve. And he deserves much of it. He is also still a man, Mr. Jarvis, not a god. A reality that we can abuse ourselves of when he is only a memory. But is far more difficult to maintain when he stands before you. Is Howard ready for that?”

“I don’t know. But neither of us has the right to deny him the opportunity. Captain Rogers is not yours alone.”

She smiled slightly. “He prefers just Steve, now. And I assure you, he is making that fact known to me with great regularity.”

“Oh?” Jarvis waited. It was the mark of a good butler, and a good listener, to be able to hold the silence when necessary.

“Howard has a son one day, decades from now, and that son grows to be a very important person in Steve’s life. More, even, than either Howard or I were. Has Howard ever...” she paused, unsure how to proceed. “His dalliances, has he ever...with men?”

Jarvis raised an eyebrow. “Not that I’m aware of, no. The only man he’s ever even spoken any praise for is Cap, uh, Mr. Rogers. What makes you ask that?”

“I’ve come to learn that Steve’s...partners, are a bit more varied than I expected.”

“I see. And you are concerned that he and Howard...”

“I’m not concerned, no. More curious. Trying to understand that which no one really wants to talk about.”

“But you are married to him. You don’t wear a ring though, which was one of Mr. Stark’s more colorful rants this evening.”

“I am his wife, most certainly. What I’m less certain of is exactly how much sharing of Steve Rogers I will need to do.”

“That seems like an important conversation for you to have, but not with your best friend’s butler.”

Peggy looked chagrined. “You’re right. I’m so sorry for imposing on you.”

“You mistake me, Ms. Carter. I am honored by your confidence. I only mean to suggest that making decisions, like whether to inform Mr. Stark about your marriage, may be better informed by first understanding the facts of your relationship with your husband. Lest you presume to keep everyone away out of envy.”

“You think I didn’t tell Howard out of jealousy?”

“Didn’t you though? If you can be honest with yourself, what other reason would there be?”

“I’m sure if I think on it, I will find one.” She took another sip of her tea.

“Take all the time you need. I can wait.” Jarvis picked up his cup and leaned back, smiling slightly.

“Impossible man, “ she whispered into her cup, which only made him grin wider.


	11. Menkalinan – The Second Star of Auriga, means “shoulder of the charioteer”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve continues to navigate the reality of this new life against the ghosts of his former one.

It was 5am before she and Howard made it back to her home on Beachwood Drive. “Sit down. I’ll make tea.” She ordered.

“Why do you English think everything can be cured with tea? How about an aspirin instead?” Howard sat heavily in a chair at the kitchen table and immediately put his head down on his hands.

“I’m not making you tea to help you feel better. I’m making tea to keep your sorry arse hydrated so you don’t die.” The harshness of her words were belied by her rinsing out two cloths, a warm one for the back of his neck and a cool one for his eyes, which were swollen and bloodshot. She rubbed his shoulders to get him to sit up and he accepted the cloths gratefully.

“Did I actually strip down for you Peg?”

“I don’t remember.” She went back to making tea.

“Yes you do. I’m sorry. I do really stupid stuff sometimes.”

“Howard, by now, there’s literally nothing you can do that surprises me.”

“You’re a class act, Peg. And classy girls don’t deserve that. Don’t deserve to see me like that.”

She pulled a chair up next to him, and took his hand. “Last night you demanded that I see all of you. I do. And I’m still here. Howard, look at me.” She tilted his chin towards her. “I’m still here.”

He pulled the washcloth off his eyes and studied her face, searching for signs of pity or loathing, which he knew he’d earned, but found only caring. He nodded and looked away because of a shame that was all his own.

“We’re up early.” Steve came into the kitchen, smiling. Howard recoiled and covered his eyes again.

“We are, though I’m afraid Howard's a little worse for wear.”

“We got any yogurt?” Steve asked, walking towards the icebox.

“Have we got any what?”

“Right, not big on yogurt at this time.” He kept looking, and pulled out eggs and some ground sausage, then grabbed a fry pan off the ceiling rack. “Protein helps. Not as good as the cultures from yogurt, but it’s better than nothing.”

Peggy walked over to him. “You sure you know what you’re doing?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah. This isn’t the first Stark hang-over I’ve managed.” He whispered back.

“OK, if you’re all sorted, I could use a shower and change of clothes.”

“No problem. We’ll be fine.”

She patted his arm gently and headed upstairs. The tea kettle went off and Steve moved it to another burner and placed the fry pan over the flame instead. “You actually want tea or should I make coffee?”

Howard sat up and leaned back, slipping the cloth off and pulling the sunglasses out of his pocket to cover his eyes. “Whatever. I don’t really care either way.”

“Coffee then. Caffeine will help with your head, for a little while anyway.” Steve whipped up scrambled eggs with ground sausage and cheese in no time and placed a healthy portion in front of Howard along with a cup of dark coffee and a couple of aspirin.

“Thanks.” Howard picked up a fork, suddenly ravenous. Steve spooned some breakfast for himself and left the last serving in the pan with a plate over to keep warm for Peggy when she came down.

“How ya doin’?” Steve’s Brooklyn accent coming forth a little stronger than normal.

“I’ll be alright. You’re a good guy, Steve. Makes me feel even more guilty for stripping down bare in front of your wife last night.” Howard’s own New York accent thickening his words, punctuated between forkfuls of egg and meat.

Steve laughed. “I bet that’ll be a good story. Peggy was the only female agent on a base of 400 soldiers. You think ours are the only pricks she’s seen?”

Howard chucked. “I’m still sorry though.”

Steve reached over and slid Howard’s sunglasses off. “You don’t gotta be sorry to me, pal. We’re good. You know that, right?”

Howard couldn’t look at him at first, but Steve waited. “I’ve missed ya so much. You got no idea.”

“I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“I was so mad at her, y’know? She had no right to keep you a secret like that. I mean, I thought she was still dating Sousa for Christ’s sake.”

“Another thing I’m not too proud of. Look, pal, this, it’s not all on her. I knew you were around and I waited too. I wasn’t ready for everyone to know I was back. The more people know, the more they expect. And I promise you, I’m not what you expect.”

“Look the same to me.”

“I’m not.”

“Future’s that bad huh? 2023, that’s, woah. I’m probably not still alive then, am I.”

These kinds of questions are inevitable, but also the ones Steve dreads most. “No, you’re not. And don’t ask me anything about it. The future, it is what it is. I’m not here on any mission. This is just me, living my life in the time and place I want to. Not a soldier. Not a hero. Just a man.”

“You’ll never be just a man, Steve. You’re special.”

Steve shook his head, “Only thing special about me came out of a bottle.” His heart twinged to be saying Tony’s words back to his father this way.

“Well, I know that’s not true, my friend. Not true at all. But wars change us, there’s no doubt about that. Here, let me take that. You cooked. Least I can do is clean up.”

“Didn’t know you knew how.” Steve chided.

“I’ve always been handsome, pal, but not always rich. ‘sides, I work with my hands all the time. Cleaning a dish isn’t any different from cleaning power couplings.”

Steve sat at the table, sipping his coffee and watched as Howard filled a basin with soapy water.

“Bucky’s alive.” Howard said while pouring out some dish soap and swirling the water with the rag.

“I know.”

“You wanna enlighten me as to why we’re here in this kitchen and not on a plane to Siberia then?”

Steve sighed. He wasn’t sure how many more times he was gonna have to have this conversation. Each time, his resolve around what was the right thing to do wavered a little more. “Because I know what they’ve done to him. Even in the future, what we had to go through to deprogram him, I don’t even understand it. And I’m certain we don’t have the resources to do it now. In his current state, he’s incredibly dangerous.”

“I hear ya. Peggy probably didn’t tell you, but in the first year after the war, she had to deal with something like that. It’s scary shit. But the four of us, we went through a lot. The Commandos, if they knew, they wouldn’t be asking permission, no matter what you say. Leaving him to that, that’s not what we do.”

Steve looked down into his cup, swirling the sludge of grounds at the bottom. “And now you see why I haven’t been running around telling everyone I’m back. It’s hard enough living with Peggy’s disappointment, never mind the rest of you.”

Howard was rinsing each plate and putting them on the rack. “My ma used to say that guilt can either hold you back or show ya where you need to shift your life. I can’t help but wonder if the choices you’re making now aren’t rooted in guilt over choices you made in some other time.”

“Maybe. Look, Howard, you, Daniel, and Peggy are the only ones who know I’m here. I want to keep it that way for a while.”

Drying his hands on a towel which he then tossed over his shoulder, Howard leaned on the counter and folded arms across his body. “What’d the future do to you, pal?”

“Too much.” Steve said.

“Alright. If R&R is what you need, that’s what you’ll get. Soon as Peggy’s out of the shower, we’re going to the beach.”

The three of them spent the day together and they came alive in ways they hadn’t since USO nights in Germany; laughing, teasing, arguing about politics and baseball. Peggy stayed out of that last one and Steve stayed out of any conversations related to Hydra. They ended their day up on the bluffs near Malibu, not far from Stark’s mansion. They sat looking at a gorgeous sunset and Steve relished the view and the company. He needed this. He needed them, just the way he remembered.

2022

About a year ago, at Tasha’s urging, Steve had built a garden on the roof of the dorm building at Avenger HQ. It looked out over the river and he liked coming out at sunset, even though the serene quiet had come to be an accusation of their failure.

He sat in one of the Adirondack chairs he’d built as a way to keep busy, white lights decorating the trellis that now had wisteria and grape vines growing up the sides. The clink of a glass being set on the table was the only hint he had of her presence. Ten years later and she still moved with the grace and stillness of a lynx. He picked up the Old Fashioned she’d made him and took a sip as she sat beside him, drinking her own and putting her bare feet up on the small coffee table. It was a bit of an inside-joke that she only ever made this drink for him.

“Rhodes is heading for Australia tonight.” She said, leaning back in the chair and putting her feet up. Her hair was hanging loose, a tell that she was considering herself off the clock.

“He told me. It’s funny to me that the more industrialized a place was, the more they came apart after. Places that lived more simply with less tech, they just kept on rollin’’

“That surprises you?” Tasha asked wryly.

He bobbed his head a bit. “I guess it shouldn’t.” He took another large swallow of his drink and got up, swinging his legs over hers and sat on the edge of the table. He picked up one ankle and began to rub the muscles and tendons in the ball of her foot. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, slipping the other foot up to rest on his leg.

“You are profoundly good at this.” She purred, continuing to sip her drink.

“I know what you like.” He continued to massage her, one foot then the other. He worked his way up her calf and then set her feet on the warm grass, kneeling between her legs. Without words, she pulled her tank top off and he undid the hooks at the front of her bra.

The upstate New York complex once had a staff of 600, plus field agents, analysts, and Tony’s R&D crew. Now, each remaining Avenger had an entire floor of the dormitories to themselves if they wanted it. Trysts such as this in the rooftop garden were not even something they worried about. No one was around to care.

She laid back again as he licked one deep-red nipple, sucking it gently into his mouth. Sometimes these moments were pure, hungry need. Other times, like this, were slow, reflective. Through it all, she’d never left him. Even in the days after the Accords, he knew she was with him. This was how he would show his appreciation for her loyalty, friendship, and love.

He cupped her breast with both hands, gently squeezing and licking, unhurried, savoring. Her breathing shallow and steady at first, started to quicken. He slid his hands to her shorts, sliding the cotton down as she lifted her hips and moved down, pushing her hips up the gentle slope of the chair, opening to him. She had her eyes on him now and he grinned at her as he spread the lips of her labia apart, teasing her with the barest of touches with his thumb.

“You know I can kill you with my thighs, right?” There was no threat in her words as her head cantered to the side and she took the last swallow of her drink.

“Tasha, your whole body is a deadly weapon. But I think I found your weak spot.” He licked and then sucked her clit in what felt like one move. She closed her eyes again and let the glass fall a few inches onto the grass, savoring every pulse and swipe of his tongue until she came, the waves of her orgasm flowing out her fingertips.

Steve leaned forward and took hold of her under her arms, pulling her forward as he turned and set her gently on the grass. He stayed on his knees as he pulled off his t-shirt and undid the buttons on his Levi’s. She reached up to wrap a hand around his cock, stroking him slowly as he worked his pants the rest of the way off.

He wrapped his hand around hers for a few strokes before positioning himself between her legs. She looked up and could see Polaris starting to twinkle in the twilight sky above as she felt him enter her. He lowered himself down and kissed her neck, cheek, and finally her mouth, gently pulling her focus back with his tongue. He was fully seated, but wasn’t thrusting yet, preferring to kiss her for while first.

She ran her hands up his broad shoulders and into his hair, which had gotten longer in the years since the exile and then the vanishing. She broke his kiss and arched her hips, urging him to move. He complied, but maintained his own meandering pace, angling for the exact spot he knew exploded her with sensation.

Another day, she might be more insistent, driving the rhythm, and setting the tone. Today, though, she wanted to just respond, to go wherever he decided to take her at whatever speed he saw fit. She opened her eyes and looked at him. The softness in his eyes made her throat catch. They’d had sex several times over the years, often with months-long dry spells between. This was…different. She kept her eyes locked on his until pleasure burst through her, and he gripped her tight as he stilled, coming down from his own climax. He rolled them so she could lay atop him as he panted. She laid her ear to his sternum, listening. His heart rate returned to normal so quickly, even as her own pulse continued to throb. She shivered a little.

“I should get you inside.” He ran his fingers through her hair.

“I’m not shivering from the cold.” She folded her hands on his chest and rested her chin on them. “That was nice.”

He smiled. “I figured you deserved a little nice.”

Something in his tone, maybe his eyes or the flex of his fingers, put her on guard.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her back. “You can’t ever stop being a spy, can you.”

“You know the answer to that. What gives?” He didn’t answer right away, which only confirmed her suspicions. “Steve…”

“Clint’s in Australia. That’s why Rhodes is heading there with Okoye.”

“And you figured fucking me was good way to break that news?” He winced at her language. What they did together was never easy to understand, but in his whole life, he’d never fucked her. At least, he didn’t think of it that way.

“I knew it would hurt your heart. I see how you look with each new report of what he’s doing. You’ve endured so much pain…I wanted to offer a little respite from that. You know you’ve done the same for me.”

She sat up and grabbed his t-shirt, pulling it over herself, then shifted back, still straddling him. “I’m not upset with you. But the only one who can undo that pain is Clint himself. I understand what you were trying to do, I really do. But in the future, we only do this because it’s us. Not because we are trying to vanquish the shadows of someone else.”

“OK.” 

She stood up and extended her hand to help him up. He pulled on his boxer-briefs as she stepped into her cotton shorts. Steve grabbed his jeans and handed the discarded bra and tank-top to her. She leaned up and kissed his cheek then gathered the two glasses in her free hand.

“Let’s go figure out what trouble Barton’s gotten himself into now.” She flipped off the garden lights and he followed her back through the rooftop access door.

************

“Steve?” Peggy asked, laying a hand on his arm. “You ready? Howard’s got the car running.”

He looked around and saw they had already packed up the wine basket and blankets. “Yeah. Sorry. Guess I got lost in the sunset.”

She threaded her fingers in his. “Nice thing about sunsets; they happen every day.” He squeezed her hand.

“Yes, they do.” He helped her wrap her sweater around her shoulders and they walked down the path to where Howard was waiting for them.


	12. Sadal Suud - Third Star of Aquarius, means "luck of lucks"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Thanos, Steve no longer believed in luck. But maybe the stars were finding a way to align anyway.

After dropping Stark off at home, they made the drive back to Burbank. Peggy was tired and quiet, letting the warm evening air blow past her face as they drove.

“Today was really nice.” Steve said.

“It was.” Silence stretched on for a couple miles and she’d started to drift off when he spoke again.

“Peg, when Howard came by yesterday, he was really upset. He said that not telling him about me was your revenge. Why would he say that? Revenge for what?

Peggy slipped off her shoes and tucked her legs up underneath her, turning towards him as he drove, laying her head on the back of the seat.

“Remember how I said Howard got himself into trouble with the SSR? Several of his most dangerous projects had been stolen. Some of the agents, who were more filled with envy than common sense if you ask me, decided he’d stolen them himself to sell on the black market. Total rubbish, of course. But he’d made enough wrong turns that he had to go underground. In trying to help him, I became a double-agent. That’s why I’m outside the SSR now, and why Daniel holds a less than cordial opinion of Howard.”

“And he thinks you blame him for you not being with the SSR anymore?”

“Not at all. No, he is referring to a specific incident. Howard sent me to retrieve something. He told me it was detonator device of a sort. He lied.” Steve stayed silent as he wound the car through the California hills.

“I discovered that Howard had kept a vial of your blood.”

“My blood? I don’t understand.”

“Because you’re not a scientist. Howard told himself that your blood might hold a secret to medical cures and all kinds of wild ideas that weren’t about creating an army of super soldiers, which is what most people are still trying to do with stolen research from Project: Rebirth. But neither were the real reason why he kept it. Nor why he kept it from me.”

“What was his reason?”

“Because it was a piece of you. Having your blood, this tiny vial holding your very essence, it was tangible proof of your life, Steve. I kept your photo. Howard kept your blood.”

Steve took all that in. The depth of mourning his friends had for him was overwhelming. “And he hid this from you?”

“Yes. We had quite a row over it actually. He told me he hid it to protect me, because he knew what you’d meant to me. I wasn’t who he was protecting though. He was protecting himself and I called him on it. He loves you Steve. We both do.” Peggy laid a hand on his shoulder before continuing.

“Mr. Jarvis told me he thought the reason I didn’t tell Howard about your return was because I didn’t want to have to share you with him.”

“Is that true?” Steve asked.

“No. It was that I didn’t want to share Howard with you. He and I, we share something that is, I don’t know how to describe it really. We're not lovers or even want to be, truly, but he is the best friend I’ve ever had. He means something to me that goes beyond friendship. Daniel could sense it, which is another reason why Howard annoyed him so much.”

Steve reached over and took her hand. “I understand. I will never ask you to give up what you have with Howard. I hope you know that.”

She scooted closer to him. “I know that now. Today with the three of us, and hearing your stories about Tony and Natasha, helped me understand what I hadn’t been able to talk about in regards to Howard. He’s in my heart and I don’t want to let that go.

“I don’t want you to. Howard is amazing and a critical part of your life.”

“Thank-you.” She leaned up and kissed him, then laid out along the wide bench seat, resting her head in his lap as they drove into the night.

************

Six weeks later, Steve was bundling up his portfolio for a big presentation before Wonder Comics Incorporated. They were the largest comic publisher in New York and he would be laying out the six-issue story arc for _Excelsior_ on Monday when the phone rang downstairs.

“Carter residence” Steve answered.

“Steve? It’s Howard.”

“Hey Howard! You gonna come by on Saturday? I’m coaching a game at Garfield Park and then we’re gonna grill some flank stakes if you’re up for it.” Steve had taken up coaching a local Little League team and he loved it when Peggy and Howard came to the games.”

“Not this weekend, pal. Gonna be tied up. I…” His voice trailed off in a way that made Steve nervous.

“Everything OK? Is Peggy…”

“Naw, Pegs is great. Don’t worry.”

“What is it?” Steve’s voice was strained because Howard was making him worry very much.

“I have to go away for little bit. Peggy will explain. And when she does, I want you to remember that she loves you. OK. She loves you.”

Steve could feel heat rising in his chest. “What did she do Howard? Where are you going?”

“It's classified.” Howard could hear the derisive click of Steve’s tongue. “I hate saying that to ya, but it’s true. And that was your call, my friend. You’re retired. The rest of us aren’t. So remember that when Peggy gets home tonight, OK?”

Steve bristled at the idea of getting relationship advice from a Stark, and then chided himself. Howard wasn’t Tony. He knew that Peggy and Howard shared something he and Peggy didn’t. Howard was her best friend and her work partner. She spent many hours everyday with Howard and had been with him for years before Steve had shown back up. If Howard was calling concerned, then Steve knew why. He thought this had been over. They were gonna have to finish it tonight.

************

It was close to 9:00pm by the time Peggy’s car rolled into the carport. Howard had called at four. That was five hours for him to stew in his own anger. Five hours of him working up what he was going to say, and planning what he would do if his fears were realized. He’d told her not to go after Bucky. And she’d promised she wouldn’t. Even though Howard hadn’t confirmed it, he was certain his friend was now on a cargo transport to northern Soviet territory.

Steve laid in bed, all the lights out. Normally, they fell asleep about 11, so it was earlier than normal. Part of him hoped she would slip in to bed quietly and they wouldn’t have to talk about this today while he was still so riled.

“Steve?” Peggy asked, sitting on the bed beside him, laying a hand on his face. “Are you feeling OK?”

“I’m fine.” He answered tersely.

“So are you just hiding in the dark then? Or are you going to talk to me about what is bothering you?”

Steve sat up and switched on the lamp at his side table. “Where were you tonight Peg?”

“I was working, Steve. It’s cl….”

“Margaret Ann Carter so help me God if you say ‘It’s classified’ I will fucking lose it!”

Steve had never raised his voice to her like this and it startled her a bit, but she squared her shoulders and spoke to him like any other cadet.

“You will speak to me in a civil tone or you will not speak to me at all.” She said firmly. “The order was given, Steven. You may not like it, but these are not your decisions to make, they are mine. And I honestly don’t give a good damn whether you agree or not. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Steve spat out the words. Her anger left her as quickly as it came.

“Steve, please, listen to me. “ She reached for his hand, but he pulled it away.

“You promised, Peggy. You said you wouldn’t.”

“I said I wouldn’t ‘right now’. I didn’t lie to you Steve. The truth, well, it can be a matter of circumstance.”

That made his blood boil anew. “Not between us it doesn’t! The circumstance between is we are husband and wife! I told you what to do and you…you did your own thing anyway!”

“Yes I did!” She stood up and paced at the end of the bed. “I told you before we got married that I was never meant to be part of this “normal life” fantasy you constructed for yourself 80 years in the future! I am an intelligence officer, Steve. This is what I do. Not only that, one of my men was kidnapped, tortured, and, according to you, brainwashed into being a sleeper agent of some kind. All of which gave me every solid reason to order a rescue and recovery mission immediately, but I didn’t. I violated every oath and ethic I have because you asked me to.”

Steve sat silently on the bed, watching her intently. She continued. “I understand your caution, as well as your experience and I gave them their weight and consideration. But we had a window and the order was given. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to come home every night and justify myself to you.”

What more could he say? She would do what she would do. He turned out the light and rolled on his side away from her.

She undressed quickly and he felt the mattress sink beside him. Her hand touched his shoulder but he remained very still.

“Steve, please. Will you listen to me? I know you’re angry, but our intel was solid. Can we please talk about this?”

He rolled on to his back and stared at the ceiling. She took this as an acknowledgment that he was willing to hear her out, at least for a while.

“We located the facility where the soldiers are housed a few months ago.” Steve looked at her, but said nothing. “Howard, though, he took seriously what you said about needing to deprogram James. So he wasn’t willing to move until we had a plan for how to safely secure him, as well as address whatever psychological torment he’s endured. While Howard researched, DumDum planned the op with Chester. He’s flying to a base in Poland to run the command center. Only Howard and I know where the intel about James came from. Howard put out feelers among whomever he goes to for these kind of things and Tuesday, he got something.”

Steve turned towards her, interested now. “What? What did he find?”

“I don’t know how he did it, to be honest. He came to me yesterday and said he had secured a facility to hold him safely and also found someone who knows how to treat him.”

“Who? Where?” Steve asked, trying to not get too hopeful.

“The where is Camp Lehigh. Sort of fitting in a way, since that’s where all this started.”

Steve sat up, “No! Zoloft’s been working there, it’s not safe.” He started to get out of bed, but she grasped him by the arm and pulled him back.”

“We know. Once we learned Hydra was not as dead as we’d presumed, Howard started scrutinizing everything Chester let Zoloft touch. He and Daniel have been working tirelessly to seek out every worm, bug, and detonator that Hydra’s been seeding throughout the SSR’s projects. We’ve scrubbed Lehigh of everyone but those hand-picked by Howard, Chester, or me. It’s the most secure place for us to hold him. As for the who, Howard says she’s an African dignitary of some sort, betrothed to a king. I hope it’s a long engagement though. She looks like a teenager to me. Can’t be more than 15 or 16 years old, but she’s smarter than Howard, if you can believe it. She’s a true prodigy.”

“What’s her name?” Steve asked, now very interested.

“Ramonda. She’s lovely, and a fair bit sassy, which makes me adore her all the more. She travels with this very tall, stern woman whom she says is her chaperone, but I know a military guard when I see one.”

Steve relaxed and settled back into bed beside her. He had met Ramonda only once, but he was certain the chaperone was a member of the Dora Milaje. Shuri was definitely the brains to T’Challa’s brawn, so it would make sense that her mother would be just as intelligent.

Peggy nestled beside him, her face resting on his chest. “Steve, please say something.”

“It might work.” He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close because if it did work, then they needed to talk.

“If it does work…Peggy, have you thought about the realities of bringing Bucky back into our lives?”

She propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him fully. “I’ve thought of almost nothing else. Steve, I know you came back here, looking for a normal life, but our lives will never be conventional. Your honesty about who you are and those whom you’ve loved only cemented it for me. During the war, you, me, Howard, and James made a strong team because we were close. All of us friends, yes, but it would be a repainting of the past to deny that there were tethers underneath connecting us in ways none of us were talking about. You told me not to pull on the thread that was Bucky Barnes. The reason I decided to go against your wishes was because I saw an opportunity to weave a whole new tapestry. One where Howard and I can build S.H.I.E.L.D. the right way and you and James have a chance as well.”

“For as much as I was teased about it in the future, I am an old-fashioned kind of guy Peg. I love Bucky, but I’m married to you. That means something for me. The unspoken reason for my not going after Bucky was, I was afraid to.”

“I love you too. That includes all the aspects of who you are, in whatever way we decided to live them. However, we are missing someone in this discussion don’t you think?” He looked at her quizzically. “James. He has as much a role to play in this as either of us don’t you think?”

Steve was floored by her thoughtfulness and caring. She wasn’t saying these things in any kind of self-sacrificing way; she meant it. He rolled towards her, stroking the hair from her face.

“You’re a hell of a woman, Peg.” She responded by pulling him into a warm, tender kiss.

************

**Epilogue: Ten Months Later**

“Steve, have you seen my flag brooch? I normally leave it on my black wool coat, but it’s not there.” Peggy stood half inside the hall closet, rooting through her coats when she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist and pull her out. She stumbled against him, his arm tightening around her, steadying her against his body. He held the jeweled American Flag pin out in front of her.

“You’d moved it to your grey suit when you had that meeting at the White House.”

“Yes, of course.” She kissed him. “Whatever would I do without you?”

“I know for a fact, you’d be just fine. It’s nice to be needed though.” He kissed her nose lightly and was moving in for more when the doorbell rang.

“You expecting someone?” Steve asked.

“No.” She shook her head. Steve instinctively stepped in front of her, moving to the door. Opening it, his breath caught and he froze.

For his part, Bucky was still as a stone too. Hair cut short, a green canvas backpack over one shoulder. He wore dungarees, a plain, white t-shirt, and a leather jacket. He looked good. Very, very good.

“You know who I am?” Steve asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Bucky smiled and dropped his pack, grabbing Steve and hugging him tight. “Steve…” was all he could get out before his voice broke and he started crying silently. Steve closed his eyes tight, hugging back.

Peggy stepped up to the door and saw Howard standing on the porch. “Well, don’t just stand there all day gawking. Help me make breakfast.” She picked up Bucky’s backpack and started walking towards the kitchen as Howard threw his arm over her shoulders.

“You sure you know what you’re doing, kid?”

“I’ve seen you walking around with more than one girl on your arm. How hard can it be?”

Howard laughed, “Oh Carter, you got no idea. Happy to offer some expertise to an old friend though.”

“I’ll take that under advisement” Her voice lit with sarcasm as she set the backpack on the small desk in the corner of the kitchen and began to pull eggs and bacon from the icebox.

Howard looked down the hall to where Steve and Bucky were still embracing in the entryway. “They look good; happy.”

She followed Howard’s gaze with her own. “They always did. We did a good thing here.”

Howard nodded. “We got lucky. All the stars aligned when they needed to.” He walked around the counter and picked up the bowl she had been cracking eggs into and grabbed a whisk from the crockery by the sink.

Peggy rested her head on his shoulder as she stood next to him. “Steve got his happy ending after all.”

Howard turned and kissed her on the top of her head. “We all did, Pegs. We all did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are a lot of fandom feelings about how Steve's story arc ended in Endgame. Personally, I've found most of Steve's 'ships to be reasonable within canon, but the two strongest relationship arcs in all the Cap/Avenger movies were between him and Bucky & Peggy. I also felt strongly that just because we see Peggy dancing with Steve, that wasn't all there was to her story or implied that she became a only housewife. Marvel had never portrayed her that way before and I didn't think Steve would expect that. 
> 
> In many ways, Steve's ending in Endgame is a gift. There is a wide-open playground of what his life contained between leaving to return the stones and showing up on that park bench. This is only one possibility.


End file.
